The Leaky Faucet

"I see....BLUE SKIES! ...."

2007-01-30T08:50:00.000-05:00

Microsoft launches Vista worldwide

"After five years of marketing blitz, the largest software maker unveiled the new computer operating system Tuesday at 12:00AM EST."

====
In a related (and made up) story, Microsoft Corporation announced the first security breach of it's Vista operating system at 12:02 AM Tuesday. Experts indicated surprise that hackers took an estimated 50% longer than predicted to compromise Vista's impenetrable firewalls - and declared the release a complete success.

Initiating a public relations war that rivals the intensity and venomous vitriol of the Trump~O'Donnell brouhaha, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates blamed U2 frontman Bono for the leak, suggesting he now be called "Scooter" instead of his long-held stage name.

Bono responded by referring to Mr. Gates as a "philanthropic pinhead."

Developing....

Bring it ON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-18T15:20:00.000-05:00

And we are off to New York City to make it big, strike it rich, find our fame and fortune, and generally wreak havoc on the entertainment world!

Sassette, her cousin~ aka "SNAP" ~ and Xen have an audition to hopefully appear on VH1's World Series of Pop Culture.

GO US !!

And even if we don't make it, there is all of New York to bend to our will ...
To resist is futile....

Hugh Is The Man...

2007-01-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Hugh Laurie, winner of the Golden Globe for Best Performance By An Actor In a Television Series – Drama.

Mr. Laurie should be a requirement for all future awards shows as evidenced by his delivery of the wittiest speech of the evening. Instead of whipping out a *yawn* laundry list of lawyers and agents, Hugh chose to recognize the crew of his hit program "House M.D.," which according to him are not "drunks and theives" and "smell of newly mown grass."

Yay Hugh!

And ..... Xen's Terrible Work Day

2007-01-17T08:52:00.000-05:00

As a gesture of solidarity with Sassette, I feel compelled to ALSO show artistic representation of MY horrific work day today.

Sassette's Terrible Work Day

2007-01-16T13:30:00.000-05:00

Sassette's description of her work day:

Based on that doleful but artistic depiction, Xen presents unto her this Haiku:

Lost in the work flow.
Buried beyond belief now
Hopelessly drowning.

with a look ahead...

Finally over.
Tomorrow begins anew
Rejuvenation.

The Arrogant Shall Inherit My Wrath...

2007-01-11T16:07:00.000-05:00

Irritation of the afternoon:

A co-worker comes in and asks if I will type a letter up for him. I say yes. He hands me a letter that is for the governor, expressing his desire to serve a second term in an appointed post.

Fine.

I see that the letter is formatted as though written by a grade-schooler. The governor is not properly addressed, nor is his proper, full name used. So, I format the letter in keeping with all of the rules of business correspondence and etiquette. I hand it to him and he proceeds to gleefully point out my "mistakes" - only reading as far as one "mistake" before making me "correct" it, print a new copy and then continue. He was arrogant and completely irritating. I was tempted to explain that I was trying to save him the embarrassment of appearing a total ignoramus to the governor that he was asking to appoint him, but suspected that he would not have taken it well (he was much older than I). Instead I bit my tongue and have been fuming all afternoon...

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

2007-01-11T15:46:00.000-05:00

Just got back from a demonstration here at work. One for a new, improved, 'this will wash your car, satisfy your wife and babysit the kids" software package.
Everybody has the TOTAL answer to corporate systems integration with THEIR product. It's THE BEST!!!

Then someone always asks "How many companies has this been fully and successfully implemented in?"
And it's like watching that first spark hit the Hindenburg....

Xen's Picture of the Week

2007-01-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

This week's picture comes from the "between a rock and a hard place" category.
It's a photo taken of a single flower growing out of a sheer rock wall overlooking Moxie Falls in Maine. Xen took this shot in "mid-plummet" during his final attempt at winning the Kennebec River Belly Flop Competition. The EMT's thought it was a very nice shot....

TV or Not TV

2007-01-10T12:34:00.000-05:00

So I went to the TV Guide Listings ...
Almost all shows on the air tonight are repeats ... Oh, well.

What I found interesting was this ....
They list "NEW" in red next to every new episode that's on.
They also list everything up to date, unlike the Projo or Cox.
This means they had the President's speech on Iraq listed there....
Only there was no "NEW" indication in red next to it ....

Is that a political statement about what he's going to say?
One can only wonder ... LOL

"The Profiler"

2007-01-08T14:35:00.000-05:00

From today's Projo blog:

ACLU sues state police for alleged racial profiling
PROVIDENCE --
The American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court today challenging what it calls the illegal detention of a van of Guatemalans on Interstate 95 in July.
The lawsuit, filed on behalf of 11 of the 14 immigrants, argues that "the actions by the state police violated the state's Racial Profiling Prevention Act, as well as the driver and passengers' constitutional rights to be free from discrimination and from unreasonable searches and seizures," according to an announcement released this morning by the ACLU.
The suit seeks a declaratory judgment that the defendants violated the constitutional rights of the driver and passengers, and an award of unspecified damages and attorneys' fees.
Today's lawsuit stems from a July 11 traffic stop on Route 95 southbound in Richmond. State trooper Thomas Chabot said he stopped the van, because the driver failed to signal a lane change. When the driver and 13 occupants could not produce immigration documents, Chabot called federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement authorities.
The 14, who now face deportation, allege that Chabot threatened to shoot or kill them if they tried to escape the van on its way to ICE headquarters in Providence.
Chabot was cleared of wrongdoing in September after an internal state police investigation, which found that the trooper "acted professionally and appropriately in this traffic stop," including his seeking involvement by federal Immigrations and Customs Enforcement agents.
The head of Rhode Island's ACLU said there's no doubt that the incident was a result of racial profiling. “Since the license and registration papers of the van’s driver were valid and there was never any suggestion of criminal activity, the questioning and detention of the passengers was clearly based on one element: their ethnic appearance," ACLU executive director Steven Brown said. "This is the essence of racial profiling."

Sassette:
But they were here illegally, right? Are people who are not in this country legally really afforded the same protections under the law as those who are? What is irksome about this article is that the short version that is on the "breaking news" section of projo does not mention that the people are now facing deportation - you have to click the link to continue the article in another window to find that out. Also, if all 14 are facing deportation, that must mean that the license and registration paperwork that were "in order" must have been fakes, right? If the driver and the 13 passengers could not produce immigration documents, then the driver must have actually been in possession of fake license and registration paperwork.
So, what is the deal? What did the police do wrong?

Xen:
This is a ludicrous lawsuit as far as I can tell.
How is it racial profiling?

Was there a traffic violation?
How can an illegal immigrant have a valid license? Is an out-of-the-US license valid here? If not, then you are right - it must have been a fake.
If I am in the country illegally, it doesn't matter WHAT I am detained for initially - I am here illegally.
If a bank robber is stopped for speeding and he's got that big canvass bag next to him with the "$" on it and a black robbers mask across his eyes, is it profiling? Bull.

The ACLU is all over this police profiling thing and it's out of control as far as I can see.

Sassette:
The worst part is that no one in the article is disputing, apparently, that the traffic offense occurred. I am very interested to see if the law in RI allows the use of traffic violations as a pretext for police to stop a vehicle. I believe they do, and if so it doesn't matter - the stop was legal. In theory you could offer up the argument that any member of a minority is always profiled any time they are stopped. It is ludicrous.

I honestly am curious if people who have entered this country illegally are entitled to the same protections as legal citizens. Do you know?

This whole thing seems to be half *ssed reported. No mention has been made as to why they are in RI; are they living in the state, or perhaps in CT? Do they have relatives also here illegally?

"The Surge"

2007-01-07T16:43:00.000-05:00

Xen:
Below is an excerpt from letter to the editor in the Projo ...
I left off most of it because I am sure you are tired of hearing from people like me, and this person, who believe Bush is a problem.
But I like this person's phrasing as cited below.... To me, it is a VERY true statement about the treatment of the military, the press' approach (as witnessed by their almost universal switch in 'opinion' in the 3 weeks leading up to the election), and the way we have accepted manipulation as a way of life
(The point of the article is that the administration has been hell-bent on increasing the troop level in Iraq from the beginning, and will not be deterred from it. Of course, they DID come up with a new "phrase" to describe it: "a troop surge"

"The administration is once again proceeding from an ill-conceived conclusion and bullying the military into backing them. The press accepts whatever script the White House hands them, and the American people seem to be too conditioned by the consumer culture of endless manipulation we live in to see past even the cheapest sloganeering and knee-jerk appeals to a patriotism and sacrifice."

Sassette:
I totally agree. Where do the administration think these troops are going to come from? You would have to be crazy to enlist right now.
And do you know what infuriates me (and that is NOT hyperbole)? Every single commercial for the armed forces (I am specifically thinking of the current army ad campaign) features middle to lower middle class families, many of them minorities.
Where is the commercial where the ivy leaguer comes home on break and tells mumsy and dads that he/she has decided that there is no greater honor than that of serving one's country? Where is the scene with the CEO and his son where the father tells the son that going out and seeing the world and getting discipline and working hard to accomplish a goal are worthwhile?
These ads SICKEN me. They are targeting a very specific demographic, and assuming no one notices that the entire rest of the country is off the hook. If they were being honest and decent instead of deceptive and elitist they would ask for people TO ENLIST, TO SERVE, TO SACRIFICE because it is a worthy thing to do, and the country needs its men and women to step up and answer the call. But they are not. They are carefully couching these appeals in offers of things that moderate to lower income families want for their kids (and the kids want for themselves) but cannot offer: travel, education, money, etc.
Why is no one calling attention to this?
(FYI: I don't necessarily believe that serving in this particular conflagration and climate is a worthwhile thing to do, but my point is that is what the government should be saying)

Xen:
Oh, so you don't think the sudden opinion piece by the former military chief was planned? The one that said he had rethought his original 'don't ask - don't tell' policy and that now, well, we should embrace (OK, maybe he didn't say 'embrace') gays in the military? And how was it that the exact number of military personnel that were tossed because they were gay was known? And it was 11,000?
ITA with your observation about the ads. Again...we are not supposed to notice this manipulation .. this level of subterfuge.
I actually thought it was a VERY interesting point on The Colbert Report the other night where he called for the reinstatement of the draft ....because ONLY THEN will there be enough impetus for young people to actually get involved and question the leaders of this country PROPERLY again.

Sassette:
I've been saying that for a while. Can you imagine this country being led to war on flimsy evidence if our sons and daughters were forced to participate?

Discussion ~ Race

2007-01-07T16:34:00.000-05:00

Sassette:
OK, I wanted run something by you that has been percolating in my brain for a little while now. The zygote of this musing came into being as a result of the Michael Richards situation, and it has grown into a healthy baby preoccupation from there as I have puzzled over it.
The subject of my musing is the idea of language that is exclusively racist. Is it ever possible to use "racist" language without being racist? Is there a difference between someone who is indeed racist who uses the "racist" language available as verbal extensions of his passionate bigoted beliefs; and someone who is simply angry who uses the most hurtful and insulting language available to cut down, to injure, to vent frustration and rage, but who does not hold those racist beliefs? Can such a person exist?
I guess my question is this: Is it the beliefs a person holds or the language a person uses that determines racism. And if it is the language, does this apply to other forms of bigotry (misogyny, homophobia, ethnic and religious, etc.)?
I have been mulling over why the media and the public immediately discarded the possibility that Michael Richards got very angry with someone (who was black) and used the most convenient and effective language available to hurt the person who had upset him. I am not saying that either way is an "OK" thing to do, but it was never really even considered. He was immediately branded a racist - which he may be. But, would the outburst have been taken as seriously if it had been equally insensitive words aimed at a different target? A woman? A Muslim? A Mexican? A gay person? Would some of these be considered less egregious breaches of the social contract (assuming that the language used was as equally offensive to each group as it was to the black audience member) than others? And if so why? And would he still be considered bigoted and become a social pariah as a result, or would it be chalked up to a loss of temper?
Just wondering what you think. It amazes me the ridiculous things that will take up residence in my brain - often to the detriment of more pressing matters...

Xen:
I understand your 'theory'. My example in the purest sense would be one who didn't know that the language used WAS racist. (When I was a wee lad, I told my sister to "screw" and my father lost his sh** on me because if meant f*** ..... but I only knew it in the way that meant "leave, get out of here). So in the purest example, I believe that a person who is ignorance of what they are saying can utter racist language without being a racist.
The thing of it is: We have to define purely what is a racist.... and by that I mean at what level is something merely "crude" and when is it an indicator of racism - even at the tiniest level. And - as imperfect beings, there is a level of prejudice in everything we do. What level do we tolerate and exclude? If I become angry ... ultimately, explosively angry ... and use the worst swear words ever, or say the most hurtful (but clean) things to someone, then it is considered rude, crude and not permissible ... but acceptable. If someone gets violent, well, we have written laws that say you must curb your behavior or you will be punished and labeled a criminal. If I cannot restrain myself, that is what happens.
And likewise, a person who knows that, say, the "N" word is an indicator of racism (use any example you like) ... but is so mad that they use it ...that they can't restrain themselves ... well, the will suffer those consequences for saying it.
Are they a racist? Well, because those words are associated with racism ... expressions of those people who ARE racist, and you aren't able to restrain yourself - then you must think at some level that it's acceptable to use them.
My mind is trained by either upbringing or self control and learning not to use the certain horrible words in front of people. If I let loose, then I am wrong. I will be ostracized accordingly. There are some people, for example, who will NEVER EVER SAY THE "C" word. EVER. If you come across someone who does, you think of them as being a certain type of person. Suppose someone just snaps and says it, but doesn't usually? It means it's in their head - and it has a meaning ... otherwise they wouldn't be able to quickly come up with it when emotions take over.
Michael Richards knows what those words mean. He was trying to hurt those hecklers.. He saw they were black. He knows that that is a hurtful set of words that are as offensive as any ... Would he have used those same words against white hecklers? No. So his brain made a conscious, differentiating decision. That, I think, points to a level of racism.
By the way, it might be completely ingrained. It might be WAY under the surface. But it's there. That's the problem.
I might be rambling... but this is a very interesting subject, as you have presented it.

Xen Again:
But what about "intent" ?
What about the underlying base belief that ALL people of a certain race (creed, nationality, color, etc) behave a certain way, or should be treated a certain way .... or are inferior, or superior? Isn't THAT racism?
See? That's now different from my earlier rambling argument....

Sassette:
That was more along the lines of my question. If the person's intent is to hurt by using the most hurtful language available, is that person a racist if the most hurtful language available (most hurtful towards the person you want to hurt) is considered racist?
When you mentioned that MR would not have used the same language if the heckler had not been black - I agree. He would have grabbed the most hurtful language available for that person (weight comments for a fat person, etc.). Does it make him a racist that he employed hurtful words that are considered racist? Or is he a racist because only a racist would employ such words?

Xen:
MY HEAD HURTS NOW !!

Sassette:
Sorry. I don't know where this came from. I guess I can trace it back to an old George Carlin routine about how words are neither good nor bad, in and of themselves...

Xen:
Oh, no .. I find it VERY interesting.
These are the discussions that should be going on. Otherwise nothing changes for generations on end.

Ward? Have You Seen The Beaver Tonight?

2007-01-04T16:02:00.000-05:00

Providence Journal:
Mollis' stepson fired two shots at a gold Lexus
"The North Providence today said Gian Piscione, the stepson of (newly installed) Secretary of State A. Ralph Mollis, fired two shots at a 2001 gold Lexus in front of 17 Third St., North Providence, last night. No one was hit, the police said.
Piscione, 19, was arraigned this morning in Sixth District Court on six counts, including two counts of assault with the intent to commit murder, unlawfully possessing a loaded shotgun while driving, and possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver.
The police said Piscione had driven over to the area in his mother’s 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee after talking on the phone with a female acquaintance who was in the Lexus with two men and another woman. The women got out, Piscione argued with one of them and one got in the Jeep with Piscione, according to North Providence Deputy Police Chief Paul Marino.
Piscione got back out of the Jeep with a shotgun and fired at least two shots at the Lexus, Marino said. The police found one bullet hole in the right rear fender of the Lexus.
Piscione fled and was later stopped by Warwick Police after the North Providence police issued an all-points bulletin seeking help locating him, Marino said. "
-- with reports from Journal staff writer Richard Dujardin

Sassette: I bet some harsh words will be exchanged in the Mollis home tonight...

Xen: Oh, yeah....
"Now junior... what has your stepfather told you about taking his shotgun? NO! You just sit right there MISTER!. Listen to me when I'm speaking to you. And you are NOT leaving the table until you finish your cheesy-mac. You are in such big trouble. I...I don' t KNOW what to do with you. That's IT... Your father is taking your X-BOX for TWO WEEKS ... maybe even until after the preliminary hearing."

Set for a Spell...

2007-01-04T14:16:00.000-05:00

Xen:
This afternoon from CNN.COM
http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/01/04/miers.ap/index.html

Now .. my only reason for bringing this article to light (or is it "to blog") is that there is a sub-headline in bold, halfway through.
It reads:
"A behind-the-scenes player thrusted to the forefront"

Ummm... excuse me? Thrusted?

Well, being the son of an English teacher, I felt compelled to truck on over to the trusty http://www.dictionary.com/ for some research:

To wit:
"No results found for thrusted." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/thrusted)

Further exploration of "THRUST" reveals, in part, the following:
Kernerman English Multilingual Dictionary (Beta Version) - Cite This Source
thrust [θrast] verb — past tense, past participle: thrust

This from the Associated Press? Who are they now hiring to write for them - gerbils?
And don't give me any of that "English is a living language" garbage.
It's just plain wrong.
I mean, it doesn't even sound right.

Yeah, Yeah ...I know....
To quote the old joke:
JESUS: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone ..... OWWWW !!! MOTHER !"

Oh, and a note regarding the article itself?
MY, how quickly the rats desert a sinking ship.

Cat Shakespeare: "Tabby or Not Tabby"

2007-01-04T13:48:00.000-05:00

Xen:

My nose is actually sore today.

I was head butted at 4:00AM this morning by my cat, Olive, as she jumped on the bed and felt that there were better ways I could utilize my time than, say, oh, sleeping .... things such as petting her loudly-purring little head.

Feline-Americans feel a great deal of entitlement, I must say.
Talk about demanding reparations for that whole Chinese food imbroglio.

Xen's Picture of the Week

2007-01-03T09:18:00.000-05:00

This week's picture was taken at a Sandals Resort (Beaches) on the Turks & Caicos Islands. It's the place I want to be. Now. Today. With a frozen drink in my hand at a totally inappropriate time of the day. Floating on one of those rafts.

When it got too hot, you were able to paddle over to that rock structure and drift inside to find shade.

Ahhhh.

Re-Affirming the Grand Pooh-Bah

2007-01-02T14:01:00.000-05:00

Xen:
So as I was out running, they were having the governor's inauguration at the state house. As part of it they had a military fly-over with the RI National Guard. There were 3 huge helicopters in formation and then two major aircraft, that were probably C-130's from what I could see. they banked over the state house lawn at a slow cruising speed as there was a multiple gun salute down on the ground.

As I was running by one of the buildings at Brown University, this construction guy was working out of the back of his truck. He sees me coming and says ... in all seriousness .... "Hey. Did you see those planes? Did they really bomb?" And I mean it when I say there was a level of fear in his expression.

I was like .."Yeah, it was pretty cool ... Wait. No, it was a fly-over for the governor's inauguration!"
He was greatly relieved.

Sassette:
Heh. I can only IMAGINE how much this cost.

In Today's Headlines

2007-01-02T10:21:00.000-05:00

(This morning's CNN.COM Headlines)

Authorities try to get food to storm victims, cattle - Ummm.. Why don't the hungry storm victims eat THE CATTLE??

Reports missing plane had been found prove false - OK, you either DO see a bunch of reckage or you don't. It's a big plane, dude, which is it?

Somalia's prime minister: Major fighting over - Liar.

U.S. attention may turn to bin Laden hunt - Implying that no one's been looking for this guy? We can only look for, try and execute one despot/terrorist at a time?

Iran vows to humiliate U.S. - First, they are going to make fun of the way we dress. Then they are going to completely decimate us in the sport of ...uhhh... dirt eating. And "Cave Hide & Seek" ..... It will be so embarrassing.

UFO at O'Hare? FAA blames weird weather - It was in November. What? They flew here all the way from another solar system (the closest, Alpha Proxima, is like 4 light years away - and nothing can even GO that fast - well, except light) only to hover over a major British airport and then leave? "Whoa...too busy there. Let's go home."

Rolls Royce to unveil convertible - And this is news because..... perhaps it's affordable to everyone? There's KIA, SCION and then ROLLS ROYCE.... "Hurry, the New Year's Blowout will only last until Saturday at your local Rolls dealer....MSRP doesn't include taxes or title"

Manager: Spears was asleep in club, 'not drunk' - How much do we have to not care before they stop telling everyone about this chick?

Reports: Kate Moss weds rock star Doherty - and I've never even heard of the group "Babyshambles" ... and therefore I must be so completely out of touch. I guess the overall point is that I don't understand why we are supposed to be interested in "non-news"

Inappropriate Behavior

2007-01-01T13:18:00.000-05:00

This bothers me.
No matter how much Saddam Hussein deserved to die ~ and please do not misunderstand me, he most certainly did ~ I still find it disgusting that anyone should celebrate it as if it were a party.

A Chloe Story

2006-12-29T14:58:00.000-05:00

Upon request - a Chloe Story by Sassette

Once upon a time there was a chubby little dog named Chloe who loved to
eat.
She would eat dry food.
She would eat wet food.
She would eat treats.
She would eat scraps.
If it was something she liked, she would eat quickly in one gulp.
WHOMP!
If it was something unfamiliar, she would look at it very closely.
Then she would sniff it on every side.
Then she would bat it around.
Finally she would lie down with it between her paws and cautiously
nibble on a tiny piece.
If she liked it...
WHOMP!
If she wasn't sure, she would walk away for a bit, only to circle back
to it and try it again.
TO BE CONTINUED....

Will It Go 'Round in Circles?

2006-12-28T14:37:00.000-05:00

JOHN EDWARDS ANNOUNCES FOR PRESIDENCY
From CNN.COM (quoted in partial)

"It's absolutely crucial that America re-establish its moral authority
and leadership role in the world," Edward said on CBS "Early Show."

Edwards' campaign got a little ahead of itself Wednesday and announced
his intentions online a day early. His Web site briefly featured the
logo "John Edwards '08" and its slogan, "Tomorrow begins today" --
literally, in this case -- before aides quickly removed them.

In his message to supporters, Edwards listed five priorities to change
America. Among them: "Guaranteeing health care for every single
American, "Strengthening our middle class and ending the shame of poverty,"
"Leading the fight against global warming," and "Getting America and the
world to break our addiction to oil."

Xen: Here's my take on this.
The first statement (all of the above comes from the middle of the CNN
article) to me is exactly the wrong attitude to proport. Pronouncing
our "moral superiority" is part of the way we got where we are. I
understand what he probably MEANS, but I already am tired of this sort
of rhetoric.

The only way for us to "re-establish" moral authority and leadership is
to not act (nationally) as we have.

As a great philosopher said: "There is no try. Do."

The second thing I have about this is the last paragraph.
Thank you, Mr Edwards for making the obvious and trite you five
priorities for America. Excuse me, but NO SH*T.
How about alchemy? Any interest in that as number 6 on the priority list?

And your wording, since I am being a stickler here...."and ending the
shame of poverty". Are you saying the goal is to have people not
feeling SHAMED by their poverty (and not to necessarily end it)?
Or are you saying you wish to end poverty, which is something people should be ashamed of?

If you can't succinctly state your goals and priorities, dude....

I think that most people would have these among their own top
priorities - what about telling us that you are going to lay out your
plan for achieving these high and mighty things? Because as far as I
know, every one of those things is nearly unachievable unless the
Congress, the taxpayers and corporations of this (and other) countries
are 100% behind taking radical new initiatives....

I know it's your first day and all, John. But we've heard and seen you
a short 24 months ago - and you need more than stating the obvious,
poorly, I might add, to win the hearts and votes of America.
IMHO

Sassette:
I wondered the same thing.
Is he going to, as president, launch a PR campaign so that people are
proud to be poor?

And how is he going to strengthen the middle class, exactly?
Weight-lifting? Because between outsourcing and illegal immigration,
there won't be any middle class left to speak of very soon...

And health care for everyone. Does that mean government subsidized
healthcare for the poor and elderly, and outrageously expensive and
diminished healthcare options for those that work and pay taxes who
aren't lucky enough to be past the age of retirement?

Priorities don't butter the biscuits.
Platitudes don't feed the bulldog.
Empty promises don't shuck the corn.... :-)

Wait, Xen ... the great philosopher you are quoting is Yoda?

Xen:
Yeah ... what? What's your point?

Sassette:
I was just skimming along, and I did a double take: Like, Yoda?

Xen:
BWAH !! I love all your Sass-isms !!
Another one... "Rhetoric won't open the Pub" Hee!
You could run the "Proud to be Poor" campaign.... you have the talent.
...
and we all know what it's like to be relatively, though not disastrously, poor.

"We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner ...."
"But we would !"

I WANT TO HEAR THE PLANS. I find it insulting that, after 8 years of
being told by this administration that "We don't need to know the
details" only to find out later that we were either lied to or there
WERE no details, I have to hear altruistic platitudes with not even the
hint of how one might choose to attain these lofty accomplishments.

Health care for everyone and strengthening the middle class ...
Talk to me JE ...Talk to me.

Sassette:
Seriously - everyone says that. Republicans and Democrats alike say the
same type of things. It is the "how" that is the difference. Don't talk
in broad strokes. You are 100% correct - after 8 years of living in the
dark this country needs details. We cannot afford to trust that our
leaders have our best interests at heart.
I wish that it could be deemed unconstitutional to campaign on
television.
Think about it: no mysterious, insinuating negative adds financed by
shadowy third-party organizations; no more crappy or nonexistent ideas
being distilled into a slick, 30 second sound-byte that grabs attention
if not imagination; no more "debates" where the questions and answers
are scripted and even the horribly overly dramatic mugging for the
camera seems rehearsed.
Imagine a world where candidates actually had to communicate their ideas
to the public by only the written word and the radio? Imagine a world
where the candidates weren't weeded out by who had the biggest war
chest, but who had the biggest grasp of what the country needed?
What? I can hope. I also still believe in the Tooth Fairy, Easter
Bunny, and the Sandman...

Xen:
"Imagine all the people, living life in peace"

And The There Were Two...

2006-12-27T17:12:00.000-05:00

Rest in peace, Mr. President

Gerald Ford 1913-2006

"As I rejected amnesty, so I reject revenge. I ask all Americans who ever asked for goodness and mercy in their lives, who ever sought forgiveness for their trespasses, to join in rehabilitating all the casualties of the tragic conflict of the past."

"Truth is the glue that holds government together."

"I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators."

He (he) Lived in America...

2006-12-26T18:52:00.000-05:00

R.I.P James Brown

Goodbye, Godfather.

...

2006-12-24T23:18:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!

The High School That Says NEE !!

2006-12-21T21:14:00.000-05:00

McWalters to decide yearbook photo flap
By Gina Macris (Projo)
PORTSMOUTH — The commissioner of education has been asked to weigh in on the issue of the Portsmouth High School student who has been prohibited from using a senior yearbook photo showing him carrying a prop medieval sword.
The Rhode Island Affiliate of the American Civil Liberties Union, which represents Patrick Agin and his mother, Heidi Farrington, and the Portsmouth School Committee have agreed to a ruling from Commissioner Peter McWalters as a means of expediting a case before the U.S. District Court.
The ACLU originally filed a lawsuit in Rhode Island Superior Court last week seeking an injunction to prevent the high school from printing the yearbook without Patrick’s senior photo.
The complaint alleges that high school principal Robert Littlefield violated Agin’s right to free speech when he rejected the photo. Agin is a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, an international organization that re-enacts medieval and Renaissance history.
Littlefield has suggested he believes the photo would violate the school’s “zero tolerance” against weapons.
The Portsmouth School Committee, the defendant in the case, had the jurisdiction changed to the federal court, where Judge William Smith held a conference in chambers on Friday.
Smith has indicated he wants the case resolved before a Feb. 28 deadline for publication of the yearbook.
The ACLU agreed to file an administrative appeal of Littlefield’s decision with McWalters “so as to not involve unnecessarily the federal judiciary in this dispute,” Smith wrote in an order published after Friday’s conference.
The ACLU filed the administrative appeal yesterday, according to Steven Brown, the executive director of the local chapter. But the appeal does not mean the federal court will yield jurisdiction of the case.
In his order, Smith urged McWalters to decide the appeal no later than Jan. 19 “because of the expedited nature of this case.”
He also ordered the ACLU and the School Committee to report back to him by Jan. 5.

Sassette: What say you?

Xen: I have several thoughts, Maid Sassete.
Firstly, I think that the kids ongoing enrolment in the "club" shows a viable interest in the subject. It's not as if he's a kid obsessed with dressing like a terrorist and performing rituals over a death-wish list of fellow students. On the other hand, if it was me and they said the MONSTER SWORD wasn't allowed by blanket policy, then I would probably use my creativity to get a picture that showed my interest without policy problems. Maybe I'd ask about a lance or something - and if that finally didn't appease them I would probably have something without a weapon, but that showed my interest in the organization.
The policy, to me, is one of those typically hard core black & white laws that doesn't take into account common sense.
To me, in the real world, it would be as when I was a kid. If the principal allowed that child's picture and my kid wanted to dress like Rambo but they said no ...I'd ask why...then accept it. I don't agree with the 'immediately go to court because you restricted my underage son's "right" to free speech.' Mostly because I believe that if a child is under 18, he HAS NO SUCH RIGHTS.
So ...to sum up.
Xen's opinion is that the school and society's policies are wrong. And the kid is wrong. And the kid's parents are wrong. And we have better, more important educational discussions and arguments to have that this. So everyone's time is being wasted.
Hell ...now our time is being wasted because we are discussing it ...LOL !!! That's it... we must lay siege to the school! Gather the feathers and boil the oil.... Now where did my dragon get off to? "PUFF??? PUFF !!! Here, boy! Sassette & I have got some people for you to eat..."

Sassette: Agreed.
I wish the article stated exactly what the policy states, because I really don't think that you can take a completely informed position without knowing what about the photo is in violation of the policy.

If it is merely the sight of a "weapon" in the photo that is being claimed to violate a "zero tolerance" weapons policy, then I think the school administrators involved should have their heads examined. The photo was taken by a private photographer, not on school grounds, and the "weapon" in question is part of an historical costume.

My feeling is that if the school is going to allow students to enter yearbook photos of themselves involved in their hobbies/extracurricular activities, even if they are not school-sponsored, then the photo should be allowed. For instance, if this was a photo of a student holding a surf board, or paint brush, or bowling ball - would there still be a problem? If yes, then the photo goes; if no, the photo stays.

Xen: OK, I would have a problem with any dork who wants to have their yearbook photo showing them holding a BOWLING BALL.... That SHOULD be disallowed!!!!

Sassette (rolling eyes): If there is a rule that all student photos must be taken in proper dress, sans piercings, unnatural hair color, visible tattoos, etc., then the photo is clearly unacceptable. Personally I feel that this is the only sensible school policy, because letting teenagers (and probably their parents...)

Xen (interjecting): Sad, but very true in today's world ... these parents came up with TIE-DYE and Earth Shoes after all

Sassette: AS I WAS SAYING... letting teenagers decide what constitutes "acceptable dress" is never going to work. The generation gap prohibits teens and adults from seeing eye-to-eye on these things.

That said, I feel that the time and energy being expended on this issue is ridiculous. "Zero tolerance" policies are stupid and insipid and should be done away with . (I have a "zero tolerance" policy for "zero tolerance" policies) Now we have school administrators, judges and the ACLU all wasting time on something that however unfair (if the policy was indeed unfairly applied) should have been obeyed.

Parents of this generation are doing their children a HUGE disservice by treating every perceived slight against their precious little ones as an assault on civil liberties. The school wasn't burning books for heaven's sake! His costume is a foolish choice for immortalization in a yearbook! The idea that a photograph of a replica of a medieval sword constitutes a violation of a weapons policy is as foolish as the costume itself. But foolishness is not a crime worthy of this much attention from people (parents, student, educators, judges, ACLU reps) who should really have more important things to do.

I know I have more important things to do...

Xen: SO THERE. CASE SOLVED. An Edict has been made.

Fractured Christmas Carols

2006-12-21T21:11:00.000-05:00

GEORGIE the YOUNGER

(To the Tune of Frosty the Snowman)

Georgie the Younger was a scary clueless soul
With his VP really running the show
And the election that they stole

Georgie the Younger is a president they say
He puts on a show
But the people know how he came to life one day
There must of been some magic in
Florida they found
When the Dems called for a recount
The Supreme Court shut them down

Georgie the Younger waged war in Iraq
At the people who say it's not goin our way
He yells unpatriotic crap

Georgie the Younger told us to stay the course
He ignored the mounting evidence that things were getting worse
The majority of people know that he is lying
He can spin and spin like a Christmas top
But soldiers are still dying

This whole thing has been a mess
Starting at the top
But he just digs in deeper when people holler stop!

Georgie the Younger
Has not the grace to blanch
Unlike our soldiers, when things get tough
He hides out at his ranch

Fractured Christmas Carols

2006-12-21T12:43:00.000-05:00

Says Sassette:

BUCKET BARS

(To the Tune of Jingle Bells)

Driving down Columbus Ave
To get to MBP
Eager for many beers to have
But first to take a pee

Doug’s already on his stool
As he will be all night
The Coors Lites are nice and cool
So much to your delight

Oh, Bucket bars, Bucket bars
My love for you’s complete
If My Brother's closes early
There’s the pub on Benefit Street

Oh, Bucket bars, Bucket bars
You totally enthrall
If you’re lame it is no shame
There’s Providence for last call !

When Is Stealing Not Punished Like Stealing? When You Steal from the National Archives!

2006-12-21T09:17:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/21/berger.documents.ap/index.html

This may be me going all fire & brimstone again, but how did Sandy Berger get no jail time? He purposely, with premeditation, stole and destroyed classified documents from the National Archives. The documents had been requested (subpoenaed?) as part of an investigation. At the very least he stole property of the people of the United States - part of the history of this country. At worst, he potentially made this country more vulnerable to future terrorist attacks by not allowing the information to be reviewed and analyzed. He should have gone to jail!

Also, why was he not being closely monitored by SOMEONE? He was accessing records from the administration that he had been involved with, AND he was representing President Clinton who the documents pertained to. Why was this not treated more seriously?

Can you imagine John Q. Public stealing one-of-a-kind documents from the National Archives, and not getting any jail time?

FIE.

Fractured Christmas Carols

2006-12-20T15:11:00.000-05:00

Sassette's Optimistic View of Holiday Shopping:

A Caustic Christmas Carol

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing through the stores
Your Christmas gift list to slay
Into debt you go
Groaning all the way
Cash registers ring
Making wallets light
You're part of the frenzied mob
At the mall tonight

Oh, credit cards , credit cards
Charge it all away
Buying crap that no one needs
(A religious holiday?)
Oh, credit cards , credit cards
Charge it all today
Under new bankruptcy laws
You'll still have to pay

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

2006-12-20T14:54:00.000-05:00

Have seen this circulating on emails lately...
(tip 'o da hat to GM!)

Amnesia: I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic: Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees AndFire Hydrants And...

Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells JingleBells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Senile Dementia: Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

Social Anxiety Disorder: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

Attention Deficit Disorder: We Wish You......Hey Look!! Something Shiny!!!

Xen's Picture of the Week

2006-12-19T15:41:00.000-05:00

This weeks picture is only a cell phone pic, but still not too bad overall. It's a picture of the Garden City Shopping Center in Cranston, RI. The gazebo is the performance place for Summertime music ... and the stores behind are the place for customer fleecing all year round.

OK, Everyone sing ....

Fah who for-aze!

Dah who dor-aze!

Welcome Christmas,

Come this way!

"Tin"-sel Town

2006-12-19T10:32:00.000-05:00

Ahhh.... nothing says Christmas like the sound and feel of a real, honest to God aluminum tree!

http://www.projo.com/opinion/columnists/content/CL_Achorn19_12-19-06_LH3D4BS.1cd9949.html

The wheez of the small motor...the clinking and rustling of the silver "needles", the metalic smell filling the room. 'Tis a consumption devoutly to be wish'd!

What were they thinkin'????!

And the Son of Tammy Faye Shall Lead Them...

2006-12-15T12:49:00.000-05:00

Found this article to be an interesting and refreshing approach to Christianity:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/13/bakker.brown.commentary/index.html

I liked what he had to say.

I also was greatly amused by all of the hard core posters who commented that EVEN THOUGH Jesus' message was one of love and forgiveness, etc., Christianity is still all about JUDGMENT!

Whatever.

People just like to be able to say, "I am better than you, and as proof, I give you 'X'!" Now in some cases, "X" is a hefty bank account, country club membership, or vacation home. And if you are in high school, "X" is probably (from what I recall) the "right" clothes, hairstyle, friends, etc. In other cases, "X" is my religion and my pious, devout lifestyle.

Unfortunately for those dolts, in Christianity piety and devotion walk hand-in-hand with a little thing Christ was fond of called HUMILITY. And, since you cannot hold yourself up above others and still call yourself humble; these are the exact sort of people that Jesus would tell to piss off, if he ever met up with them.

Jesus Christ didn't judge people, he left that up to his Father. In fact, he did the opposite. He not only sought out, but embraced the sinners and despised members of his society. He did not ask or demand that they change their ways in order to receive His love and community. He gave His love freely to all that invited Him into their lives.

Does that sound like the current Christian movement in this country?

Not by a long shot.

Inspired By A Lame Customer Service Meeting

2006-12-14T17:58:00.000-05:00

This annoying meeting came complete with a video set to what sounded an awful lot like porn music and a workbook! Because we are not adults and professionals! We are pre-schoolers (who respond to porn music, apparently)!

*ahem*

Customer Service:
Be prompt. Be nice. Be helpful.
This means you, Jackass!

Citizen 'Cane'

2006-12-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

SASSETTE's ADVENTURES CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPPING:

My brother, sister and I all pile out of my brother's truck (where they made me ride in the pull-out jump seat in the back - since I am the smallest) at this garden shop that looks like a log cabin.

They are selling all manner of Christmas flora and fauna, and had a lovely, rustic front porch with a life-sized Santa in a rocking chair.

Just as we are almost directly in front of the Santa "doll" - he moves.

I am in the middle of telling my sister, "blah, blah, oh, look they have a life-size Sant - OhMyGod! It's a REAL Santa!!

(Sassette disclaimer: I adore the legend of Santa and usually finagle some lap-time even now, if I see one)

So, I run up to Santa and breathlessly say, "Hi Santa!" and put my hand out to shake his hand.

He peers at me quizzically over his cute little glasses and says "Well, hello there. Do you still believe?"

I, of course, respond, "Absolutely!"

Still looking at me funny, he inquires if I have been a good girl; to which I naturally reply, "Definitely."

(Xen Disclaimer: "Yeah, RIIIIGHT" That depends on what the definition if 'IS' is ... Just sayin')
(Sassatte: Shut up)

He gives me one more strange look, then smiles and offers me a candy cane and wishes me Merry Christmas.

I run triumphantly back to brother and sister (who watched this whole scene) brandishing my candy cane.

They are staring at me with their mouths open.

I am all like, "WHAT?"

My brother tells me I am too cute or something, and my sister tells me that Santa appears to think that I am mentally handicapped and that she and my brother probably appear to be my parents.

She is dying laughing.

I am devastated.
Sis is hysterical.
Bro is amused.
Santa continues to eyeball me the entire time I am at the tree place.

Then as we go to leave, as I am trying to climb into the back of the truck and into the stupid jump-seat; I slip and fall out of the truck.

My sister catches me by the ass and shoves me into the back.

I look out of my window and see to my horror that Santa saw the whole thing.

(Xen: Well, after all - He KNOWS when you've been sleeping ... AND he knows when you've been at the Christmas tree shop without your helmet)
(Sassette: Shut it, I said)

THE END

You Keep Me Breathless

2006-12-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Xen had to run in the parking garage today because of the dark, dreary, rainy, soul-sucking weather. Thus is presented:

The Coro Running Haiku
Running the Coro Garage
Spiral up and down
Concrete pathway to Asthma.

Xen is a DOLT...

2006-12-13T10:37:00.000-05:00

Last night, for the 'ahem' (insert a large number here, roughly equivalent to "a shitload")th time, I watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

I am always amazed at how they were able to put all that manual drawing work into the thousands and thousands of frames necessary to make a mere 20+ minutes of cartoon come to life ~ and that it has lasted as a viable Christmas story for all these years. I've often wondered if it will last after all of our generation is gone.

In the mean time, it's still a great story and is full of excellent cartoon comedy.

"Max" the dog RULES!

But - and here's the part where I am a TOTAL idiot - I don't think that I ever knew that the song "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" was done by Thurl Ravenscroft (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thurl_Ravenscroft), who is known the world over as the voice of tony the Tiger. How can I have lived all this time and not known that? Did I grow up in a BOX?

And I also never knew that Cindy Lou Who's voice was provided by June Foray (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_Foray), who did the voices for Rocky Squirrel (I'm sorry.. Rocket J. Squirrel) and Natasha Fatale.

I have apparently just been returned to earth by aliens. Which would explain a lot.

Like, did you also know that they have these ALREADY COOKED DINNERS all packed in tin foil (that used to be called Alcoa Wrap - heh, I'm way up on this technology thing) and you just put 'em in the gas oven for a while and they're ready to eat?

This is incredible stuff....

The Simple Girl: Non-News

2006-12-11T13:36:00.000-05:00

Xen:

From CNN.COM~

"BURBANK, California (AP) -- Nicole Richie was arrested early Monday for investigation of driving under the influence of alcohol, authorities said.
California Highway Patrol officers took Richie, 25, into custody without incident after she failed a field sobriety test, CHP Officer Todd Workman said.
Her black Mercedes sport utility vehicle was stopped in the car pool lane of State Highway 134 when officers arrived.
Authorities said they received 911 calls about a car going the wrong way on the freeway and the car matched the description of Richie's."

=======

Amazingly, contrary to the current celebrity trend, Ms. Richie did NOT launch into any sort of racist tirade while being booked at the station. She said nothing disparaging against Jews, Blacks, gays, Hermaphrodites, women, the Greeks, Italians, or the French. Neither did she rant against dwarfs, little people, midgets, tall people, giants, people with elephantitis, mimes, clowns nor southerners.

She WAS overheard asking where Eric Estrada was, having been arrested by CHP Officers, however. She was told it was his day off. It was just easier.

In further developments, in light of Ms Richie NOT creating any kind of scene, her agent immediately quit, saying that there is no way she can manage Nicole's career if she is going to cooperate.

Sassette:

In light of the fact that Ms. Ritchie has been subsisting on booze alone in recent months (witness photo evidence below)...

alcohol manufacturers scrambled today to identify her intoxicant of choice. Advertisers dove into work on a new ad campaign tentatively titled, "Woman can live on [booze name] alone."

YO

2006-12-08T15:26:00.000-05:00

Today's question:
Is this Xen prepared for his daily run in 25 degree temperature?
Or...
Is it the newest rap superstar?
Seen here without his posse (posse-less, as it were) the amazing, indisputable, incontrovertible Master of Words, the Ringmaster of Rap, the Allah of Anthem, the Vicar of Verse, the Emporer of Expression...Yea, the Overlord of Ode, the Rajah of Refrain, the Barron of Ballad, the Magnate of Melody and the Crown of Chorus ..... the indescribable...the humble...
SWILLY "B" !!!!!
Give it UP TWO TIMES !!!

..... OK, well... it was just cold out.

An Ode to Xen's Sick Computer...

2006-12-07T16:21:00.000-05:00

My hard drive O.D.'d today
From all the crap I gave it
It vomited an error display
Hoping that I would save it

My sweet electronic box - fear not!
Your hopes I shall not dash!
The fact is, we are both dead meat -
If you should ever crash!

And Today's Headlines...

2006-12-06T14:54:00.000-05:00

Building explodes in Milwaukee Beer EVERYWHERE! Perhaps it was Hop-i-cide (which is not to say a bunch of Native americans killed themselves).

Taco Bells pulls green onions in E. coli scare Like Taco Bell wasn't sickening ANYWAY (OK, really GOOD, but sickening). It's not like it's salad.

Dobbs: Our leaders are ducking reality on Iraq Lou Dobbs is SO cranky about everything "administration" now that he's hard to listen to.

Scaramella: I warned poisoned spy "Ummm... Don't eat that Taco Bell burrito ... DON'T ! I don't CARE if it's 2:00AM and we've been drinking vodka all night...DOOOON'T!!!"

Glue problems could gum up shuttle launch Well, you see, when your entire space program relies on ELSIE the ELMER's GLUE COW, you are basically screwed. "This is WALTER CRONKITE... The latest shuttle launch was scrubbed today because the RUBBER BAND on the CAPE CANAVERAL SLINGSHOT is broken."

CNNMoney: Yahoo makes management changes OK ... I got nothin'

Report: Cheney's lesbian daughter pregnant This was cruel, but great! This morning this story was being read on the radio and after they finished saying "Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter announced that she is pregnant." they cut away to a voice clip of Mr. Cheney in a previous interview saying "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

Anti-Bush 'bat signal' ticks off neighborhood "I SOOO want to see this ... shining up against the dark night sky... What would the signal BE? The word "Decider" with a circle and slash through it? Or is it just a picture of a bat?

Oprah's lost her way, gone white, rapper says So some rapper makes what is basically a racist comment about a black woman and it's OK? Haven't we JUST had weeks of pontificating about that very double standard? It's not racism to call an idiot and idiot. By the way - I hate Oprah, but that has nothing to do with anything.

Report: Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn split up OK ... Yeah. So what? Or is she going to now be seen hanging with Paris Hilton and Brittney while going 'commando"?

Gimme a "S, H, U, T Gimme a U, P!" What'sitspell?

2006-12-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

Xen:
We got an email from the head of I.S. today announcing the hiring of a new IT security manager.
The usual announcement, his history of employment, credentials, etc, etc.... Let's all join in and welcome Chris, etc....

And then this.
"Chris has asked me to remind you that information security is built around the word security, sec-U-R-IT-y. You are our fist line of defense and being aware of the information you handle daily will help ensure we maintain the confidentiality, availability, and integrity of our systems and information."

C'mon ... honestly!
Cheerleading stuff? "U-R-IT"?

Let's go full bore, then...
Chris would like to point out his position verses yours with regard to his place in the company, his newly acquired power over you and his pay as SECURITY CZAR: "U - R - ITY" That's right... itty-bitty. Inconsequential. Nothing. Don't even bother trying to ask for access to stuff, because it's not going to happen.

Sassette:
What an absolute goober. "U-R-IT". I am stunned. Why do managers think that educated professionals will be motivated by the same tactics as drunken sports fans? At least he wasn't in a polyester mini dress, waving pom-poms (I assume anyway).

Xen's Weekly Image

2006-12-04T12:50:00.000-05:00

This week's picture is one taken a few years back of the Las Vegas strip just after dark.
And of course, as they say, "What happens in Vegas...ummm... happens in Vegas."
Because your friends will tell everybody they know what you did if it was truly outrageous.

PAPAL BULL

2006-11-29T12:30:00.000-05:00

No, Really ... LOOK: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papal_bull

Xen:
This is from the Scott Adams blog (http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/) .... and it's pee-my-pants funny.
(I felt it necessary to say "pee-MY-pants" because even though the phrase generally is "pee-YOUR-pants funny", I don't know as you would agree. Or, for that matter, whether you're into that. Not that I am. I'm not. Really. Oh, forget it.)

Nearly Funny Things

"As a professional humorist, I read the news differently than you do. I’m mining it like the old guy on the beach with a metal detector. You see miles of sand and sea shells and used condoms, but I see a potential windfall of 35 cents in coins plus half an earring. That’s why my life has more meaning than yours. But my point is not to brag. I’m just saying.
The key to finding good humor fodder is that the story must be NEARLY funny without being completely funny on its own. For example, if I see a story about some spatially challenged burglar who got his head stuck in a chimney, and a stork built a nest in his ass, that’s already completely funny. There’s nothing for me to add.
What I’m looking for is a story that makes me giggle before I even know why – the potential is there but it needs some magic humor dust to make it all that it can be. I mention this because I was reading on MSNBC.com that the Pope is visiting Turkey. This is 50% funny all by itself.
Then I read that 20,000 Muslim protesters in Istanbul were chanting “Pope don’t come!” (Seriously.)
Bingo!
Keep in mind that I have not ADDED any jokes yet. It’s 99% hilarious all by itself. You can imagine several reasons why the Muslims would chant “Pope don’t come!”
1. Muslims are supportive of the Pope’s celibacy and rooting for him.2. Muslims have already locked up their sons but feel that an extra precaution is warranted.3. No one wants to clean it up.
In a crowd of 20,000 people, you have to figure they have different reasons.
I immediately imagined a second group of protesters with a modest grasp of Western slang chanting “Pope don’t shit in our woods!” It’s important to cover all the bases, chant-wise. You’d hate yourself later if the Pope went and did the one thing you forgot to chant.
I also imagine the Pope trying to craft his speeches so as to not ignite World War III. It wouldn’t take much of a gaffe – a mistranslated verb, an unclear proverb, quoting an ancient scholar who said Muslims are God’s dingleberries – this sort of slip can happen. No one is infallible.
I also wonder what the Muslims think of this man of peace who carries a scepter featuring a bearded Middle Eastern guy nailed to a cross. I’m no expert in body language and dressing for success, but I have to think it’s wise to hide your torture-themed novelty toys when you’re pursuing world peace.
I read that the president of Turkey plans to present the Pope with a COPY of the imperial order for tolerance issued by the Ottoman Sultan who seized Istanbul from Christians in 1453. Now if we ignore for the moment that you can buy one of those at the airport gift shop for $1.75, there’s also the question of what message it sends. On one hand it could mean “We Muslims mean Christians no harm.” Or it could mean “Neener neener – you have been our bitch since before Columbus was a zygote!” I think it could go either way.
Anyway, I know I feel more comfortable with the Pope in Turkey. When it comes to handling delicate matters affecting the survival of the planet, you want to send in the 79-year old German guy with a Marge Simpson hat, a history of talking directly to God, and seven decades of sperm backup. I don’t see how that could go wrong."

I've Got Rhythm! I've Got Rhythm!

2006-11-29T10:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, as is as written in the article below, I too would expect Bush to put an abortion foe up for any sort of family planning position. It is a given. But why an anti-contraceptive person?

At least with abortion (full disclosure: I am pro-choice) the anti-abortion groups can make the argument that a life is being lost. This belief is greatly informed by what sort of religious (and scientific) beliefs that you hold or reject - but at least it is not hypocritical.

If you believe that life begins at the moment of conception, then abortion is something that you would probably not be able to support. Personally, I believe it is a right that has to be available to women. But at least I can see the thought process that would lead someone to hold an opposing view.

(Although in my opinion; being against something and being against the right of others to feel differently and thus live accordingly are two different things. Or should be.)

But with contraception, no life or even potential life is lost! To put someone who is unilaterally opposed to contraceptives in charge of the government's family planning office is ridiculous and insulting.

And I don't care if he supports the Rhythm Method. That is like putting someone who is against missiles but favors rocks and sticks in charge of the Department of Defense.

I really wish someone could explain to me what the difference is between using a latex sheath, a pill, or a thermometer, pen, and "ovulation journal" to prevent pregnancy! Why is one method acceptable, while the others are not? In all three cases the intent is to actively prevent conception by artificial means. Are pens, paper and thermometers any less artificial than drugs or latex? I just don't get it.

Or is it because condoms and oral contraceptives are a lot easier to be successful with?

(from Projo.com)

Anti-family-planning chief
01:00 AM EST on Tuesday, November 28, 2006

President Bush has made a truly inappropriate, and bizarre, choice to oversee federal family-planning programs at the Department of Health and Human Services. The new official, Eric Keroack, a gynecologist, works for a Boston-based concern that opposes birth control, except presumably such methods as the rhythm method. That goes for unmarried and married people!
The appointment recalls the appointment of Dr. W. David Hager to the Food and Drug Administration's Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee. Dr. Hager opposes the prescription of contraceptions. Thus, his appointment, like that of Dr. Keroack, was an ideological statement, not a practical public-health one.
The organization whence cometh Dr. Keroack, who is now deputy assistant secretary for population affairs, promotes abstinence or "sexual purity and self-mastery." The group, A Woman's Concern, won't provide information about artificial birth control of any kind. We expect Mr. Bush to name an abortion foe to such jobs, but naming someone who opposes birth control is outrageous, except to a tiny sliver of the population with intense theological views.
The means to plan their pregnancies is women's right, and a societal good. A string of unplanned pregnancies can condemn women to a life of poverty. Dr. Keroack's appointment is a slap in the face of good public policy.

When Good Pet Ideas Go Bad...

2006-11-28T21:04:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am sure this Kitty Walk Outdoor Pet Enclosure was well intentioned. I can just hear some sweet cat lover musing about how nice it would be if little Boo-Boo could go outside and breathe the crisp, clean air.

Unfortunately, this particular item looks a little too much like some sort of open-pit barbecue attachment for my liking. Not to mention something light enough that a larger animal could bat it around the yard like a giant hamster ball. Not that I ever bat around hamster balls - I have nothing but the utmost respect for hamster balls and the brave hamsters that chose to explore in them. Actually, to a hamster, it must be a bit like space travel - climbing into a tiny pod, pushing the edges of their known world....

Anyway, the Kitty Walk Outdoor Pet Enclosure brings me back to a painful episode from my youth. My neighbors decided one day to take their pet rabbit from the safety of his shaded bunny hutch and place him in a large glass fish tank topped by a screen held down by a rock. They positioned the tank out in the middle of the yard so that Fluffy could get some sun.

Lovely gesture, right?

Unfortunately for Fluffy, my neighbors, and me, my 90+ pound lab happened by shortly after. Instead of seeing a beloved family pet, my dog saw a boxed lunch. She snatched the rabbit from the tank and tore down the street (with my neighbors in hot pursuit) and presented me with the dead rabbit as if it was the coolest thing ever. My neighbors naturally didn't see it quite the same, and my dog was branded a bunny killer for the rest of the summer.

So, to sum up, if you love your pets; don't leave them defenseless in glass tanks or barbecue pit attachments in the middle of the yard. Even if it is a nice, sunny day. It will not end well. Trust me.

Statistically Moronic

2006-11-28T19:38:00.000-05:00

From today's PROJO DAILY BLOG:
Poll: Bush's approval ratings improving in R.I.
"After many months as the state most critical of President Bush’s job performance, Rhode Island no longer leads the nation in disapproval of the president, according to a SurveyUSA poll.
New Yorkers now give the president the lowest approval rating in the country, with 24 percent of voters in the Empire State rating the president favorably.
Rhode Island is tied with Massachusetts at 49th for presidential approval, with 26 percent of voters in each state approving the way the president handles his job. Last month 23 percent of Rhode Island voters approved the president's job performance, according to a SurveyUSA poll.
The polls have an error margin of about 4 percent.
The average approval rating for the president was 36 percent nationwide. The president was above 50 percent in two states, Idaho and Utah, and below 30 percent in seven states: R.I.; Mass.; N.Y.; Cal.; Conn.; Del.; and Vt. "

Xen:
OK, so what they are saying is that RI went from 23% to 26%. With a error margin of 4%. HELLO ???!! Then there is no statistical change!!! You DOLTS !!! NY is at 24% with the same error margin.

Bottom line? It doesn't matter!!!
I hate stupid reporting!

And now I must go run. There's a 97% chance I will do my usual 5 miles, with a margin of error of 96%. Idiots.

"SAVE THE LATVIANS. SAVE THE WORLD"

2006-11-28T19:16:00.000-05:00

A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF POLITICALLY INCORRECT RANTING
Our apologies to ANY Latvian-Sympathizers out there.

Dateline CNN.com: 11/28/2006
"President Bush (speaking at the University of Latvia) says he won't pull troops out of Iraq 'before the mission is complete.' "

Xen to Sassette:
So... the great " Decider" is speaking at the University of Latvia.

No, really.

Are they KIDDING? Can't you just see a bunch of kids with gray Champion brand sweatshirts that say "U of L" all standing in the "quad" (meaning DIRT SQUARE), cheering and running their mascot (a GOAT) back and forth in front of the stage?
I mean, like, Latvia is next to ESTONIA, which I am pretty sure is known for being in Dilbert Cartoons (OK, so it's ELBONIA, but , like, whatever... that's what he meant , I know it).

Can't you see the protests at the Bush Speech and ole U of L?
Signs ... "Down with Bush ~ Borat for President" ............... that kind of thing.

And of course, there is the university seal...

Not to mention their celebration of LIGO. (see Wikipedia info & link below)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latvia
"One of the most striking features of Latvian culture to visitors is the mid-summer festival of Ligo or Jāņi - a celebration of the summer solstice and the feast day of St. John the Baptist. Whilst ostensibly a Christian festival, its pagan roots are unmistakable. Ligo takes place every year on the night between June 23rd and 24th, the shortest night of the year. It is customary for people to go to the countryside for Ligo, traditionally wreaths of leaves and flowers are worn on the head. If a man is named Jānis (John) the wreath will be made of oak leaves. In the early evening of the 23rd, fires are lit around which people will chat, sing and dance until the early hours of the following day. It is considered lucky to jump over these fires. Cheese flavoured with caraway and a drink made from birch sap are traditional fare at Ligo firesides. Throughout the night it is not unusual to see young couples slip quietly off into the woods in search of a non-existent "fern flower"- these liaisons are not considered unseemly nor are they generally remarked upon the next day. Latvians love their crepes."

I love the part where they make only guys named Janis wear oak leaves on their head .... Ummm..whaaa?
And 'Janus' means 'John'. And part of the "tradition" is to go off into the woods and have illicit couplings...
Which is OBVIOUSLY where the term "John" comes from regarding prostitution....
Or not.

In ANY case,,, this is definitely where the leader of the free world needs to be speaking. If we don't have Latvia, the world is lost.

Sassette replies:
Exactly HOW do those last two sentences go together?

"Throughout the night it is not unusual to see young couples slip quietly off into the woods in search of a non-existent "fern flower"- these liaisons are not considered unseemly nor are they generally remarked upon the next day. Latvians love their crepes."

Hee. Crepes. Is that what we’re calling it these days? "

I guess it's because EVERYONE KNOWS that the best way to a "John's" heart is through... CREPES.

It's a well known fact.

When Ranting Doesn't Work - Mocking Will.....

2006-11-28T18:59:00.000-05:00

Xen rants:
Read Ed Achorn 's article this AM. He kind of ticks me off lately. Though I agree that we shouldn't have the "party lever" on the ballots, it seems to me that the biggest annoyance is the simple utter DEMOCRAT-NESS of RI - and the biggest PROBLEM is voter apathy.

The little guys who wanted reform in the state assembly weren't "hurt" by the all Democrat vote as much as the STATE was hurt because so many people ran unopposed. Think of that. In a time when you can't have TWO people agree on ANYTHING, and when everyone is "special", this state has that many positions where NO ONE WANTS TO EVEN TRY TO GET ELECTED. Makes zero sense to me .

Anyway... it's just the same old, same old. My point about Achorn's article was that this was a waste of newsprint. It was better than taking the election day space and using it as a (very nice, but misplaced) tribute to a relative... but still, I don't agree with his assessment that "if you take away all straight party votes, then Chaffee would have won". He even mentions that a lot of people would have STILL voted for Whitehouse ... so right there he undermines the argument. It's just so flawed that it's a pointless argument. And there are bigger things to write about ... even if it IS totally his "opinion".
So there. It's MY opinion that I disagree. And more and more I am finding his weekly article less worth it.

Sassette Responds:
Just read the Achorn article… I find it rather meandering in its focus.

Boo-hoo-hoo Ed, your preferred party didn’t fare well. Rather than blame voter apathy, unpolled cell phone using dems, Harrah’s union donations, and straight-ticket voting; how about acknowledging that people are incredibly tired of this republican administration? We’re tired of lies, obfuscation, and rising death counts in Iraq.

You can say what you want about the evils of the straight-ticket vote and the unions – but Chaffee’s held that seat for over thirty (?) years. The fact that a beloved New England Republican with a household name got trounced is a direct reflection on the opposite of voter apathy. It shows voter bitterness with the Republican party. Chaffee has been a republican all along, and the straight-ticket option has been available for over a century – so you need to look at what was DIFFERENT this time around…. And quit yer whining, Eddie.

The Actual Article from Providence Journal Opinion Columnist Edward Achorn:
Edward Achorn: A system that promotes 'voting without thinking'
01:00 AM EST on Tuesday, November 28, 2006

THE NOV. 7 ELECTION in Rhode Island did not go the way the pollsters predicted. They had Governor Carcieri up by roughly 7 points -- in poll after poll -- and saw Sen. Lincoln Chafee dramatically closing the gap in the waning days against Sheldon Whitehouse.
The results, thus, were stunning: Mr. Whitehouse won in a cakewalk, and Mr. Carcieri very nearly got heaved out of office. Clearly, many Democratic voters whom the pollsters were unable to reach turned out at the polls. Were they cell-phone owners, difficult to poll? Were they rare or casual voters, and thus absent from the lists that form the basis for the polling of "likely" voters?
We know that Harrah's was pushing hard for its casino, and that casino supporters strongly favored Democrats. And we know that Harrah's gave the labor unions, through WorkingRI, $200,000 to help get out gambling-friendly voters. Meanwhile, many of the motivated voters across America were angry at Republicans over America's failure to halt violence in Iraq, blaming that on President Bush.
The most striking impact was a huge upsurge in the number of Rhode Island voters casting straight-party ballots -- checking off their desire to vote for the entire slate of Democrats, up and down the ballot, rather than taking the time and using their brains to weigh individual candidates.
The straight-party voting option is the legacy of 19th and 20th-Century machine politics. The political bosses did not want voters thinking independently -- they wanted them marching in lockstep, with the promise of patronage and taxpayer-funded benefits in exchange for party loyalty. Years ago, voters pulled an actual lever to punch the names of all of one party's candidates.
Fifty years ago, more than half of the states allowed straight-party voting. But in recent years, states have weaned themselves off the system, on the sensible grounds that it too strongly favors the dominant party and that voters should be encouraged to do their homework as citizens and weigh individual candidates. The straight-party system tends to devastate the minority party in down-ballot races, such as for state legislature.
"It seems pretty clear that what it was designed for is to keep people voting for a particular party without thinking about who they were voting for," Richard Niemi, a University of Rochester political-science professor, told the newspaper The Hill.
Which may be why Rhode Island is one of only 16 states still clinging to the machine legacy. (The others are Alabama, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Michigan, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, West Virginia and Wisconsin.) In the Ocean State, the party in power impressively has every angle covered. Our election laws are designed to help preserve and consolidate majority power, rather than encourage competitive elections.
On Nov. 7, the straight-party system worked its wonders for Rhode Island Democrats. Some 61,357 voters cast a straight-party ballot for the Democrats -- a whopping increase of more than 23,000, or about two-thirds, over the last midterm election. Only 18,424 cast straight ballots for Republicans.
That obviously gave Mr. Whitehouse a dramatic boost, and quite possibly the winning edge. Subtract the straight-party ballots, and Mr. Chafee beat Mr. Whitehouse handily. It appears that Mr. Chafee was the preference of voters who actually took the time to mark their ballots for either candidate.
Thus, one could argue the straight-party option in Rhode Island had a tremendous impact on Nov. 7, helping flip control of the Senate from the Republicans to the Democrats.
Of course, it seems likely that many -- if not most -- of those straight-party-ballot voters would have opted for the Democrat, in any case. But many might have sided with Mr. Chafee, whose last name is virtually a brand, and whose liberal values seem to represent those of most Rhode Islanders.
The people who really suffered, though, were down the ballot -- the reformers trying to bring more balance to the General Assembly. They got swept away in the flood. Many of the casual voters who went straight-ticket -- and thus returned the local incumbent to power -- probably never heard of either candidate in those races.
Interestingly, this phenomenon played out nationally. Of the 29 seats that House Republicans lost, 15 were in the 16 states with the straight-party option -- and another three races from those states could possibly flip, the Hill reported.
There are efforts underway in many of those states to change the system. Citizens groups and the out party tend to push for reform, while the party in power resists. It's not hard to understand why Republicans tend to support the reform more than Democrats. The latter party's incestuous relationship with public-employee unions gives it a ready-made get-out-the-vote machine, well-suited to encouraging people to vote the straight Democratic ticket.
In other words, don't hold your breath waiting for this reform to reach Rhode Island.

I'm Sorry, But I Just Have To Say This...

2006-11-27T20:14:00.000-05:00

Mom,

I never told you, but I thought you were amazing.
I never told you, because your amazingness was just expected - like sunrise after night.
And it was so quiet.

It was the silent beat that ran through everyday of my life.
The raucous noise of day-to-day drowned out what you gave.
In a million ways, in little ways, in everything you did.

You were the constant hum underneath the din of our family life.
You were the thrum of the steady drum that kept our wheels turning.
You were the cards and calls and words that a better person wouldn’t have taken for granted.

But I did.

I did, and you just went on like that was the way it was supposed to be.

You expected nothing, but gave everything.
Like a woman from another time.
But you were in my time.

I wish I had not assumed everything that you gave up so easily.

But I did.

I have to hope, that somehow you knew what you were.
What you are.

You have always been smarter than me.
So I’ll trust that you know.

I could live one hundred years and never be all of the things that you were.
I could live one hundred years and never get over you being gone.

I used to think I was good at poetry.

But I’m not.

Because when it counts,
I suck.
I choke.
I fail.

Because words, and rhyme, and even iambic pentameter can’t say about you what three little letters can:

MOM.

I’ll miss you forever.

Boogie Chillin'

2006-11-27T14:55:00.000-05:00

As the behemoth known as Drinkasaurus Rex (affectionately dubbed 'Swilly-Willie' by anthropologists) lumbers through the streets of Providence today, he sees something that he has not witnessed for many, many months: humanoids circling, skittering and sliding in a clockwise oval right in the heart of the city .... fueled by hot chocolate and Christmas songs .... and he knows that the 2006 Ice Age has begun. Fear grips his heart ~ or perhaps it's the Myocardial Infarction resulting from the Chicken Enchilada Grilled Stuffed Burritos he's been gorging himself on ~ nevertheless his heart IS gripped. Soon his regular way of life will be impossible as frigid temperatures blast this part of the planet. One question flashes through his mind over and over: "Why did I never learn to migrate???"

Coulrophobia Haiku...

2006-11-27T11:17:00.000-05:00

clowns frighten because
the unknown lurks beneath their
cheerfully fake smiles

Coulrophobia

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - Cite This Source

Coulrophobia is a mental condition concerning the fear of clowns and mime artists. It has attracted a large amount of interest in the entertainment media and on the internet, where websites have been created to specifically address the condition.

In discussions of causes of coulrophobia, sufferers seem to agree that the most fear-inducing aspect of clowns is the heavy makeup, often accompanied by the bulbous nose and weird color of hair, that conceals the wearer's identity.

Suffers sometimes acquire a fear of clowns after having a bad experience with one personally, or seeing a sinister portrayal of one in the media.
Fear of clowns is an intense fear of something that poses little or no actual danger. While adults with this fear realize that these fears are irrational, they often find that facing, or even thinking about facing, the feared situation brings on a panic attack or severe anxiety.

Symptoms tend to include: breathlessness, dizziness, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, heart palpitations, inability to speak or think clearly, a fear of dying, becoming mad or losing control, a sensation of detachment from reality or a full blown anxiety attack.

A Path to Fame and Fortune

2006-11-27T09:40:00.000-05:00

I've think I've found untapped concept that could be explored in the area of entrepreneurialism.
MIME KARAOKE

Now wait. Think of it. The most annoying thing about going to a karaoke bar is that 2% of those that get up are really talented, and 10% can sort of carry a tune. But the other 88% are completely delusional and make the neighborhood pets howl.
Mime's, first and foremost, are quiet.
And I know that they are the objects of ridicule, scorn and quite often, beatings - but that's nothing that a little chicken wire in front of the stage can't take care of.

They could have a "song book" with all popular "mime" exercises in them for people to pick from.
"And next, we have Gary, who will do "I'm trapped in an invisible box".

And for those that don't care, they just don't have to look.
We can play the regular music and no one will be bothered by amature screeching.

Seriously, it has possibility.

And Now ~ A Thanksgiving Haiku

2006-11-22T13:22:00.000-05:00

Xen's Weekly Image

2006-11-21T10:13:00.000-05:00

This is a picture I took of the Irazu Volcano in Cartago, Costa Rica (http://www.govisitcostarica.com/region/city.asp?cid=201) . Though currently dormant, it is Costa Rica's largest volcano. You can drive up and stand on the rim looking down into the crater, which is what this picture shows. The huge concentrations of sulphur are what gives the pool of water it's green color.

Rupert Mudoch: The Empath

2006-11-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

In a stunning reversal of sensitivity, Rupert Murdoch, owner of News Corp and FOX News announced the cancellation of the OJ Simpson Interview and book publishing entitled "IF I DID IT".

However, as with all such things in society today, particularly tabloid television, other "copycat" specials ARE going to appear on other networks, and one is planning something even more ambitious - a weekly show of the same theme and structure.

Although the Simpson story is legally exclusive to Fox, other subjects will be explored by these networks seeking to provide truth to their public.

One such subject is:
"War of the Worlds: If We Did It. The Martian Interview about Their Plan to Take Over the World" (Amazingly, the details of this plan are strikingly similar to the Wal-Mart corporate 5-Year Plan as published earlier this year).

Another is:
"Ashlee Simpson: If I Did It. What I would sound like if I actually Sang any of my Songs"

And yet another:
"Michael Richards: If I Did It. What I would Say if I Really was a Bigot and Said Those Things on Stage.... Oh Wait. Never mind."

And of course:
"George W Bush: If I Did It. How I Would have Found the WMD's and Won the War in Iraq.
Or If I really Did Day 'Stay the Course'
Or 'Bring it on.'
Or 'They misunderestimated me'
Or 'Rarely is the question asked 'Is our children learning'
And of course 'There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

2006-11-15T21:29:00.000-05:00

Important Things to Know

2006-11-13T16:31:00.000-05:00

This today courtesy of Google & WikiHOW: It would be irresponsible not to enlighten everyone by passing this along.

How to Regain Control of a Spooked Camel

In some parts of North Africa and the Middle East, the camel remains the primary means of long-distance transportation. These remarkable animals are intelligent and strong, and they possess incredible endurance. They can also be quite fast: some camels can briefly attain speeds up to 40 miles per hour (64 km/h). While their speed makes them ideal for racing-camel races are very popular in many parts of the world-it can provide a camel rider with a harrowing, potentially deadly experience if a camel is spooked or otherwise begins to run out of control.

Steps
Stay calm. The camel will eventually stop. In fact, a runaway camel will usually regain its composure and slow down pretty quickly. Until it does, you need to keep your wits about you.
Hang on to the reins. Because camels are cud-chewing animals (they are constantly chewing), their reins are usually attached to a peg inserted into the nose, as opposed to being attached to a bit in the mouth, as is the case with horses. Thus, unlike with a horse, you can't try to steer an out-of-control camel by pulling hard on the reins. A hard pull will break the reins or, worse, tear the peg out of the camel's nose, which will cause it to panic even more. While you don't want to pull on the reins too much, you do want to make sure to keep hold of them so you can steer the camel once it slows down.

A seated camel.

Note the head halter.If the reins are attached to a head halter, as is often the case with camels that are ridden on tourist expeditions, you can pull on the reins to get the camel to turn in a circle and, eventually, slow down. Work with the camel, not against it. Pull the reins to the side that the camel wants to turn its head. If the camel decides to turn its head the other way, allow it to do so, and pull the rein on that side instead.

Consider a quick dismount.

f the camel is just starting to pick up speed and won't respond to commands to stop, consider sliding off. This is especially useful if you have lost the reins. Kick out of the stirrups and attempt to hit the ground running, bending your knees slightly as you land. Note that this should not be attempted at high speeds unless there is impending danger ahead (a cliff, for example). Once you're on the ground, try to grab the reins. The camel will most likely come to a stop once you have the reins in your hands again.

Hang on.

The camel will eventually stop. Your goal is to hold on until it does. Press yourself to the camel to lower your center of gravity, grip the camel between your legs, and hold the horn of the saddle. If you aren't using a saddle, just hold on as well as you can, and try to lean back a little so that you avoid riding near the tip of the hump, which will be a very bumpy ride at high speeds.
Get off the camel once you have it under control. Once the wild ride is over, have the camel sit. Dismount and continue to hold the reins.

Tips
Don't get angry with the camel or strike it after you have it under control. While your adrenaline may be pumping, it's important that you keep your cool. Camels tend to hold grudges, so if you frighten or mistreat them, they are liable to be unpleasant in the future.
Make sure you have sturdy reins and a head halter, especially if you don't have much riding experience. A head halter can make it much easier to regain control of your camel, and you won't have to worry about hurting it by ripping the peg out of its nose.
Learn and memorize the correct commands to give a camel while riding it. Different camels are trained to respond to different commands.
Only apply a slight pull to the reins when trying to get the camel to turn. It usually doesn't take much, and an overzealous pull can hurt your camel if the reins are attached to a nose peg.

Camels generally don't like to be alone in unfamiliar places, so a runaway camel will often come back on its own. This racing camel is looking for its caretaker. Later, he trotted back down the track the way he came.
Most, but not all, camels like to stay close to the herd or close to home, so if you fall from your camel, the camel will likely come back once it calms down.

Truth in Advertising...

2006-11-13T13:10:00.000-05:00

What corporate help-wanted ads should really say:

Generic Corporate Help-Wanted Ad:
One of any number of gigantic corporations
that puts manipulative charm ahead of
intellect and diligence seeks management
protégée. If you have ever been referred to
as a: sycophant, conformist, yes-man, suck-up,
kiss-*ss, brown-noser, blithering idiot, or
mindless twit; please contact human resources
immediately. We Want YOU!

Rainy Days and Haikus Always Get Me Down

2006-11-13T08:58:00.000-05:00

Utterly Random Nonsense (URN)

2006-11-12T12:08:00.000-05:00

I've decided that when I write my book ... wait, I mean my NOVEL ~ (the one that will make me filthy, stinkin', disgustingly rich... the one that will allow me to have servants and minions) that my main character & hero's name will be Shloemoe Shoebottom. I haven't figured out what his special tallent will be yet. Or what the story will be. But it will retail for $24.95.

Call Me Easily Amused...

2006-11-10T20:30:00.000-05:00

This "political" ad I found on Youtube made me giggle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdAjGXFJw3s

I am, of course, assuming that this is all tongue-in-cheek. If not - that is one competitive pre-school....

In the News...

2006-11-10T15:33:00.000-05:00

Al-Muhajir says Rumsfeld fled Iraq
Dubai, 20:46
The leader of Iraq's al Qaeda wing on Friday gloated over forcing outgoing US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to flee the Iraqi battlefield. Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, said in a purported audio recording posted on the Internet that the group has 12.000 armed fighters and 10.000 others waiting to be equipped to fight US troops in Iraq. "I tell the lame duck (U.S. administration) do not rush to escape as did your defence minister ... stay on the battleground," the speaker said. After Republicans' defeat at the midterm elections, President Bush announced Donald Rumsfeld's replacement by saying that "fresh perspective is needed at the Pentagon to deal with the war in Iraq".

================================

al-Muhajir was also heard to say: "ARGGGG!"

And Furthermore...(Sassette Weighs In)

2006-11-10T14:32:00.000-05:00

The democrats would not have triumphed so immensely if people were not so completely fed up with the direction the administration and their legislative enablers have taken this country.

Who wants to be reviled by the rest of the world?
Who wants to be the ones that jail people indefinitely with no visits, no lawyers, and rhyme or reason?
Who wants to be the ones who torture people - in other words - the BAD GUYS?
Who wants to be the guys who back out of Kyoto, when we could set a good example; because it would be too much of a hardship on our companies?
Who wants lobbyists writing legislation that screws Americans? Drug benefits, bankruptcy laws, energy policy, etc.?
Who wants to see more of our fellow citizens killed when no one in charge seems concerned that our people keep dying long after "Mission Accomplished"?

People went democrat, because it is in our nature to want to believe there is hope, even when things look hopeless....

Now let's HOPE that the new majority will focus on doing our business, and not going all Cock of the Walk with their vanquished foes....

Don't try to impeach, don't hold endless hearings, just dig in and try and fix the mess W& Co. have made.

Xen's Post-Election Zen

2006-11-10T14:03:00.000-05:00

I have heard (online & on the radio & on cable news-as-entertainment channels) quite a bit of bitter conservative whining/ranting this week, post election. I can't help but feel that this kind of behavior is EXACTLY what brought the results upon them by the electorate.
To lose both houses and a ton of the governorships is a massive statement. A statement indicating that more people than not are in the middle politically. This is something that the conservative leaders have tried very hard to have us believe is not true. It was a tool used in attempts to make people believe that the country was utterly polarized. That you HAD to be at one and or the other of this spectrum - and that they were the only REAL choice for leaders and governing.

These post election commentaries are still rift with fear-threats assuring us all about how the country and the world is now worse off because they aren't getting their way (that being, unrestrained power). There is a formidable level of anger, and, in many cases, the continued practice of calling the general electorate stupid. I am amazed at this arrogance.

To me, this isn't about the new time of Democrat rule. It's about non-performance. It's about abuse of powers. It's about the failure of the checks and balances in the democratic system to exist for too long a period. It's about the silent political middle not being so silent.

I am filled with happiness at the outcome of the elections because it gives me hope for the system, and it shows that people DO have a voice and can use it for change. It WORKS.

The new mix of elected officials have a huge responsibility to make progress. And they need to be humbled by the change in the face of our government by the citizens. Just like that. Peacefully. And I hope that if there is further failure, then we will change again. It's a fantastic dynamic.

We cannot be deterred by the anger, abuse and cajoling of those cast from power. It's not ABOUT conservative or liberal. It's about doing the right thing and maintaining this country's principles and ideals. To paraphrase: The ends for all do not justify the means of a few.

Xen's Weekly Image

2006-11-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Here's a picture taken at about 5:00PM on Nov 4th, looking towards the eastern horizon. I think it looks appropriately eerie to be used in a horror movie or murder mystery. Or as a book cover image. Something with one of THOSE titles, like: "And the Moon Watched Her Die ... a Jack Parish Novel" Ha.

Sassette’s Excellent Voting Adventure (a few days late)

2006-11-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

Walked to the polls, thereby saving the environment from unnecessary pollutants
Noted that my polling place, a local church, was (I believe illegally) displaying a campaign sign for only one candidate: Patrick Lynch
Was then greeted warmly by Patrick’s mother, who shook my hand, asked for my vote for her son, and told me I have beautiful hair
Was tempted to give her my vote just for the compliment, but I remembered the stakes were higher than just having people in office whose mothers like my hair
I did NOT inform Mrs. Lynch that I suspected that she had illegally placed a campaign sign on the church lawn
I also did NOT inform Mrs. Lynch that she had lipstick on her teeth
Was told by the sweet, 800 year-old man at the voting table that I “had to be voting for the first time”
Was tempted to vote for him as a write-in candidate for every office, but I remembered the stakes were higher than just electing super-old people so I will seem really young by comparison
Began connecting the arrows, and accidentally voted for both Patrick Kennedy and his republican challenger – must have been still preening over the elderly gentleman’s compliment
Brought my folded ballot over to an 800 year-old lady, and explained my error
Was glared at so powerfully, I suspect this lady was one of the church “sisters” – lay people just don’t pack glares like that
Got shiny, new ballot and filled it out correctly
Wept bitterly that nearly all my local politicians were running unopposed, and could faintly hear the founding fathers rolling in their graves
Fed the municipal referenda ballot into voting machine with success!
Fed state/federal ballot into voting machine and was rewarded with a sound like the one the keno machine makes when you have a lucky ticket
Briefly thought I had won some sort of prize… (“Straightest Arrow-Connecting Lines” or something)
Watched in horror as the machine SPIT MY BALLOT OUT AT ME
Whistled and looked around innocently while wrestling the last quarter inch of my ballot from the EVIL VOTING MACHINE
Since no one came to my assistance, I did a “do-over” and fed it back in – Take that EVIL VOTING MACHINE!
May have actually voted twice! Go me! Hustled out of the polling place before I was nabbed for voter malfeasance or some such infraction.

THE END.

Ranting about TV is as much fun as WATCHING

2006-11-09T13:18:00.000-05:00

XEN:
Please allow me to point out in a typically MALE kind of way that BONES is incredibly hot when she's dressed to the nines and playing a floozy .... The gum snapping and flapper-squeak voice and attitude just works... LOL !!!

Now.. if you watched the show... I have a question. Know how they determined that the girl was murdered by a baseball bat? the same one that killed the original person whose remains they found?
OK... but, I can't for the life of me figure out when they said WHO DID IT.

They focused on the girl boxer suspect so much that I couldn't figure out who really did it?
Was it one of the Vegas mob fight-club guys?

Sassette:
It was the kid who hung out at the boxing gym with Joe Nolan - the ex boxer. He was the son of the loan shark that Booth initially suspected.

Bones is totally hot all dressed up - she has a ridiculously tiny waist.

In a coincidence, the actor who played him also guest-starred on Jericho as the remorseful Ravenwood guy. He competed with himself in the 8-9pm timeslot....

One thing that totally annoyed me on Jericho (ok, maybe two things) : first, the mayor had a fever, right? So science-nerd-girl remembers a really long, boring way to make ice without refrigeration. Part of her instructions is to "get water from the well, it will be cooler." Now, having had well water, I can testify that it is absolutely FREEZING even in the heat of summer. So, why didn't they just dump Mayor-Sicky-Pants into a cool bath in the first place? That's what my mom used to do with us when we had high fevers. (well, maybe not dump, exactly)

Second, how are they going to have this woman (a nurse no less) be pregnant and not be absolutely sick with worry over all of the radiation that she has been exposed to? That would have to impact the baby, no?

XEN:
I THOUGHT he looked familiar when I watched Jericho later.
Ha! Too funny.

OK, now I see how he was the one on Bones who did it.... thanks.
Jericho...
(I am JOKING HERE!!) You TOTALLY have it in for this show...I can tell. You WANT to like it, but just can't suspend disbelief ... probably because there have been a TON of Armageddon shows & movies and it's so easy to pick them apart~

But yeah, you are also completely right about each of those things....
They should have had him in a bath days and days ago .... not under the covers (with ONE trickle of sweat running down his cheek).
The good part for him is that they are like 7 episodes in and he's not had to do SQUAT as far as acting after the 1st two epi's.
LOL
Even if the water was relatively WARM, you'd float him .... PLUS - they all wear coats at this point... get the guy outside....

Oh..the pregnancy thing is a stupid contrivance. Once she said that I started to get ticked off. Of COURSE the girl who was going to divorce her estranged husband suddenly is pregnant. Explain this... the show opened saying it was a month after the bombs. So she can't even KNOW really that she's pregnant unless the conception happened almost a month BEFORE the bombs went off. And they couldn't STAND each other then. Oh, but they had sex? NO problem with fulfilling needs with someone you are not getting along with? Or in using protection? And she's a nurse? Right. Not.

Plus this plays the entire BS storyline with those two out further.

She worked on ALL radiation poisoned people. The kid's gonna be a freak.

SO.
All said and done. I agree with all you say. Hee!

And why is it a BIG secret that he went away and drove a truck in Iraq as a contractor? If there isn't MORE to is, then it's stupid.
I suspect this guy will be super spy by the time they are done with his past. He can DO everything. Fight, improvise, he's MacGyver, and probably has superpowers too.

Sassette:
Yes, that is one of the most annoying aspects of this show - Jake-Of-All-Trades.

I mean, I get it, he's a cutie. So, TPTB want him in as many scenes as possible, doing as many manly things as possible.

But, as you say, he is becoming some sort of cheap MacGyver imitation. He runs! He shoots! He can use dynamite to rig a strategic cave-in! He has a dark past! And a bad*ss car! Every pre-menopausal woman in town wants him! ("You sir, are NO Richard Dean Anderson") I wish I had high-def so that I could see what information Dawkins pulled up on him on his Super-Secret-Spy-Computer...

And I do want to like it. I really do.

I just can't help gritting my teeth through the cliché surprise(!) break-up pregnancy, and the fact that last week we had horse thieves, and next week we can look forward to mercenaries (it's a western! it's a war pic!). Sometimes I can't help thinking it would be the best thing for Jericho if The Walkin' Dude blew into town and wiped them all out...