PAPAL BULL

No, Really ... LOOK: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papal_bull

Xen:
This is from the Scott Adams blog (http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/) .... and it's pee-my-pants funny.
(I felt it necessary to say "pee-MY-pants" because even though the phrase generally is "pee-YOUR-pants funny", I don't know as you would agree. Or, for that matter, whether you're into that. Not that I am. I'm not. Really. Oh, forget it.)



Nearly Funny Things

"As a professional humorist, I read the news differently than you do. I’m mining it like the old guy on the beach with a metal detector. You see miles of sand and sea shells and used condoms, but I see a potential windfall of 35 cents in coins plus half an earring. That’s why my life has more meaning than yours. But my point is not to brag. I’m just saying.
The key to finding good humor fodder is that the story must be NEARLY funny without being completely funny on its own. For example, if I see a story about some spatially challenged burglar who got his head stuck in a chimney, and a stork built a nest in his ass, that’s already completely funny. There’s nothing for me to add.
What I’m looking for is a story that makes me giggle before I even know why – the potential is there but it needs some magic humor dust to make it all that it can be. I mention this because I was reading on MSNBC.com that the Pope is visiting Turkey. This is 50% funny all by itself.
Then I read that 20,000 Muslim protesters in Istanbul were chanting “Pope don’t come!” (Seriously.)
Bingo!
Keep in mind that I have not ADDED any jokes yet. It’s 99% hilarious all by itself. You can imagine several reasons why the Muslims would chant “Pope don’t come!”
1. Muslims are supportive of the Pope’s celibacy and rooting for him.2. Muslims have already locked up their sons but feel that an extra precaution is warranted.3. No one wants to clean it up.
In a crowd of 20,000 people, you have to figure they have different reasons.
I immediately imagined a second group of protesters with a modest grasp of Western slang chanting “Pope don’t shit in our woods!” It’s important to cover all the bases, chant-wise. You’d hate yourself later if the Pope went and did the one thing you forgot to chant.
I also imagine the Pope trying to craft his speeches so as to not ignite World War III. It wouldn’t take much of a gaffe – a mistranslated verb, an unclear proverb, quoting an ancient scholar who said Muslims are God’s dingleberries – this sort of slip can happen. No one is infallible.
I also wonder what the Muslims think of this man of peace who carries a scepter featuring a bearded Middle Eastern guy nailed to a cross. I’m no expert in body language and dressing for success, but I have to think it’s wise to hide your torture-themed novelty toys when you’re pursuing world peace.
I read that the president of Turkey plans to present the Pope with a COPY of the imperial order for tolerance issued by the Ottoman Sultan who seized Istanbul from Christians in 1453. Now if we ignore for the moment that you can buy one of those at the airport gift shop for $1.75, there’s also the question of what message it sends. On one hand it could mean “We Muslims mean Christians no harm.” Or it could mean “Neener neener – you have been our bitch since before Columbus was a zygote!” I think it could go either way.
Anyway, I know I feel more comfortable with the Pope in Turkey. When it comes to handling delicate matters affecting the survival of the planet, you want to send in the 79-year old German guy with a Marge Simpson hat, a history of talking directly to God, and seven decades of sperm backup. I don’t see how that could go wrong."