Fractured Christmas Carols

GEORGIE the YOUNGER

(To the Tune of Frosty the Snowman)

Georgie the Younger was a scary clueless soul
With his VP really running the show
And the election that they stole

Georgie the Younger is a president they say
He puts on a show
But the people know how he came to life one day
There must of been some magic in
Florida they found
When the Dems called for a recount
The Supreme Court shut them down

Georgie the Younger waged war in Iraq
At the people who say it's not goin our way
He yells unpatriotic crap

Georgie the Younger told us to stay the course
He ignored the mounting evidence that things were getting worse
The majority of people know that he is lying
He can spin and spin like a Christmas top
But soldiers are still dying

This whole thing has been a mess
Starting at the top
But he just digs in deeper when people holler stop!

Georgie the Younger
Has not the grace to blanch
Unlike our soldiers, when things get tough
He hides out at his ranch

Fractured Christmas Carols

Says Sassette:

BUCKET BARS

(To the Tune of Jingle Bells)

Driving down Columbus Ave
To get to MBP
Eager for many beers to have
But first to take a pee

Doug’s already on his stool
As he will be all night
The Coors Lites are nice and cool
So much to your delight

Oh, Bucket bars, Bucket bars
My love for you’s complete
If My Brother's closes early
There’s the pub on Benefit Street

Oh, Bucket bars, Bucket bars
You totally enthrall
If you’re lame it is no shame
There’s Providence for last call !

Fractured Christmas Carols

Sassette's Optimistic View of Holiday Shopping:

A Caustic Christmas Carol

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing through the stores
Your Christmas gift list to slay
Into debt you go
Groaning all the way
Cash registers ring
Making wallets light
You're part of the frenzied mob
At the mall tonight

Oh, credit cards , credit cards
Charge it all away
Buying crap that no one needs
(A religious holiday?)
Oh, credit cards , credit cards
Charge it all today
Under new bankruptcy laws
You'll still have to pay

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

Have seen this circulating on emails lately...
(tip 'o da hat to GM!)

Amnesia: I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic: Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees AndFire Hydrants And...

Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells JingleBells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Senile Dementia: Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

Social Anxiety Disorder: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

Attention Deficit Disorder: We Wish You......Hey Look!! Something Shiny!!!

"Tin"-sel Town

Ahhh.... nothing says Christmas like the sound and feel of a real, honest to God aluminum tree!

http://www.projo.com/opinion/columnists/content/CL_Achorn19_12-19-06_LH3D4BS.1cd9949.html

The wheez of the small motor...the clinking and rustling of the silver "needles", the metalic smell filling the room. 'Tis a consumption devoutly to be wish'd!

What were they thinkin'????!

Citizen 'Cane'

SASSETTE's ADVENTURES CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPPING:

My brother, sister and I all pile out of my brother's truck (where they made me ride in the pull-out jump seat in the back - since I am the smallest) at this garden shop that looks like a log cabin.

They are selling all manner of Christmas flora and fauna, and had a lovely, rustic front porch with a life-sized Santa in a rocking chair.

Just as we are almost directly in front of the Santa "doll" - he moves.

I am in the middle of telling my sister, "blah, blah, oh, look they have a life-size Sant - OhMyGod! It's a REAL Santa!!

(Sassette disclaimer: I adore the legend of Santa and usually finagle some lap-time even now, if I see one)

So, I run up to Santa and breathlessly say, "Hi Santa!" and put my hand out to shake his hand.

He peers at me quizzically over his cute little glasses and says "Well, hello there. Do you still believe?"

I, of course, respond, "Absolutely!"

Still looking at me funny, he inquires if I have been a good girl; to which I naturally reply, "Definitely."

(Xen Disclaimer: "Yeah, RIIIIGHT" That depends on what the definition if 'IS' is ... Just sayin')
(Sassatte: Shut up)

He gives me one more strange look, then smiles and offers me a candy cane and wishes me Merry Christmas.

I run triumphantly back to brother and sister (who watched this whole scene) brandishing my candy cane.

They are staring at me with their mouths open.

I am all like, "WHAT?"

My brother tells me I am too cute or something, and my sister tells me that Santa appears to think that I am mentally handicapped and that she and my brother probably appear to be my parents.

She is dying laughing.

I am devastated.
Sis is hysterical.
Bro is amused.
Santa continues to eyeball me the entire time I am at the tree place.

Then as we go to leave, as I am trying to climb into the back of the truck and into the stupid jump-seat; I slip and fall out of the truck.

My sister catches me by the ass and shoves me into the back.

I look out of my window and see to my horror that Santa saw the whole thing.

(Xen: Well, after all - He KNOWS when you've been sleeping ... AND he knows when you've been at the Christmas tree shop without your helmet)
(Sassette: Shut it, I said)

THE END