"I see....BLUE SKIES! ...."

Microsoft launches Vista worldwide

"After five years of marketing blitz, the largest software maker unveiled the new computer operating system Tuesday at 12:00AM EST."

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In a related (and made up) story, Microsoft Corporation announced the first security breach of it's Vista operating system at 12:02 AM Tuesday. Experts indicated surprise that hackers took an estimated 50% longer than predicted to compromise Vista's impenetrable firewalls - and declared the release a complete success.

Initiating a public relations war that rivals the intensity and venomous vitriol of the Trump~O'Donnell brouhaha, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates blamed U2 frontman Bono for the leak, suggesting he now be called "Scooter" instead of his long-held stage name.

Bono responded by referring to Mr. Gates as a "philanthropic pinhead."

Developing....

Ward? Have You Seen The Beaver Tonight?

Providence Journal:
Mollis' stepson fired two shots at a gold Lexus
"The North Providence today said Gian Piscione, the stepson of (newly installed) Secretary of State A. Ralph Mollis, fired two shots at a 2001 gold Lexus in front of 17 Third St., North Providence, last night. No one was hit, the police said.
Piscione, 19, was arraigned this morning in Sixth District Court on six counts, including two counts of assault with the intent to commit murder, unlawfully possessing a loaded shotgun while driving, and possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver.
The police said Piscione had driven over to the area in his mother’s 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee after talking on the phone with a female acquaintance who was in the Lexus with two men and another woman. The women got out, Piscione argued with one of them and one got in the Jeep with Piscione, according to North Providence Deputy Police Chief Paul Marino.
Piscione got back out of the Jeep with a shotgun and fired at least two shots at the Lexus, Marino said. The police found one bullet hole in the right rear fender of the Lexus.
Piscione fled and was later stopped by Warwick Police after the North Providence police issued an all-points bulletin seeking help locating him, Marino said. "
-- with reports from Journal staff writer Richard Dujardin

Sassette: I bet some harsh words will be exchanged in the Mollis home tonight...

Xen: Oh, yeah....
"Now junior... what has your stepfather told you about taking his shotgun? NO! You just sit right there MISTER!. Listen to me when I'm speaking to you. And you are NOT leaving the table until you finish your cheesy-mac. You are in such big trouble. I...I don' t KNOW what to do with you. That's IT... Your father is taking your X-BOX for TWO WEEKS ... maybe even until after the preliminary hearing."

Set for a Spell...

Xen:
This afternoon from CNN.COM
http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/01/04/miers.ap/index.html

Now .. my only reason for bringing this article to light (or is it "to blog") is that there is a sub-headline in bold, halfway through.
It reads:
"A behind-the-scenes player thrusted to the forefront"

Ummm... excuse me? Thrusted?

Well, being the son of an English teacher, I felt compelled to truck on over to the trusty http://www.dictionary.com/ for some research:

To wit:
"No results found for thrusted." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/thrusted)

Further exploration of "THRUST" reveals, in part, the following:
Kernerman English Multilingual Dictionary (Beta Version) - Cite This Source
thrust [θrast] verb — past tense, past participle: thrust

This from the Associated Press? Who are they now hiring to write for them - gerbils?
And don't give me any of that "English is a living language" garbage.
It's just plain wrong.
I mean, it doesn't even sound right.

Yeah, Yeah ...I know....
To quote the old joke:
JESUS: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone ..... OWWWW !!! MOTHER !"

Oh, and a note regarding the article itself?
MY, how quickly the rats desert a sinking ship.

Re-Affirming the Grand Pooh-Bah

Xen:
So as I was out running, they were having the governor's inauguration at the state house. As part of it they had a military fly-over with the RI National Guard. There were 3 huge helicopters in formation and then two major aircraft, that were probably C-130's from what I could see. they banked over the state house lawn at a slow cruising speed as there was a multiple gun salute down on the ground.

As I was running by one of the buildings at Brown University, this construction guy was working out of the back of his truck. He sees me coming and says ... in all seriousness .... "Hey. Did you see those planes? Did they really bomb?" And I mean it when I say there was a level of fear in his expression.

I was like .."Yeah, it was pretty cool ... Wait. No, it was a fly-over for the governor's inauguration!"
He was greatly relieved.

Sassette:
Heh. I can only IMAGINE how much this cost.

In Today's Headlines

(This morning's CNN.COM Headlines)

Authorities try to get food to storm victims, cattle - Ummm.. Why don't the hungry storm victims eat THE CATTLE??

Reports missing plane had been found prove false - OK, you either DO see a bunch of reckage or you don't. It's a big plane, dude, which is it?

Somalia's prime minister: Major fighting over - Liar.

U.S. attention may turn to bin Laden hunt - Implying that no one's been looking for this guy? We can only look for, try and execute one despot/terrorist at a time?

Iran vows to humiliate U.S. - First, they are going to make fun of the way we dress. Then they are going to completely decimate us in the sport of ...uhhh... dirt eating. And "Cave Hide & Seek" ..... It will be so embarrassing.

UFO at O'Hare? FAA blames weird weather - It was in November. What? They flew here all the way from another solar system (the closest, Alpha Proxima, is like 4 light years away - and nothing can even GO that fast - well, except light) only to hover over a major British airport and then leave? "Whoa...too busy there. Let's go home."

Rolls Royce to unveil convertible - And this is news because..... perhaps it's affordable to everyone? There's KIA, SCION and then ROLLS ROYCE.... "Hurry, the New Year's Blowout will only last until Saturday at your local Rolls dealer....MSRP doesn't include taxes or title"

Manager: Spears was asleep in club, 'not drunk' - How much do we have to not care before they stop telling everyone about this chick?

Reports: Kate Moss weds rock star Doherty - and I've never even heard of the group "Babyshambles" ... and therefore I must be so completely out of touch. I guess the overall point is that I don't understand why we are supposed to be interested in "non-news"

The Simple Girl: Non-News

Xen:

From CNN.COM~

"BURBANK, California (AP) -- Nicole Richie was arrested early Monday for investigation of driving under the influence of alcohol, authorities said.
California Highway Patrol officers took Richie, 25, into custody without incident after she failed a field sobriety test, CHP Officer Todd Workman said.
Her black Mercedes sport utility vehicle was stopped in the car pool lane of State Highway 134 when officers arrived.
Authorities said they received 911 calls about a car going the wrong way on the freeway and the car matched the description of Richie's."

=======



Amazingly, contrary to the current celebrity trend, Ms. Richie did NOT launch into any sort of racist tirade while being booked at the station. She said nothing disparaging against Jews, Blacks, gays, Hermaphrodites, women, the Greeks, Italians, or the French. Neither did she rant against dwarfs, little people, midgets, tall people, giants, people with elephantitis, mimes, clowns nor southerners.


She WAS overheard asking where Eric Estrada was, having been arrested by CHP Officers, however. She was told it was his day off. It was just easier.



In further developments, in light of Ms Richie NOT creating any kind of scene, her agent immediately quit, saying that there is no way she can manage Nicole's career if she is going to cooperate.



Sassette:

In light of the fact that Ms. Ritchie has been subsisting on booze alone in recent months (witness photo evidence below)...

alcohol manufacturers scrambled today to identify her intoxicant of choice. Advertisers dove into work on a new ad campaign tentatively titled, "Woman can live on [booze name] alone."

And Today's Headlines...

Building explodes in Milwaukee Beer EVERYWHERE! Perhaps it was Hop-i-cide (which is not to say a bunch of Native americans killed themselves).

Taco Bells pulls green onions in E. coli scare Like Taco Bell wasn't sickening ANYWAY (OK, really GOOD, but sickening). It's not like it's salad.


Dobbs: Our leaders are ducking reality on Iraq Lou Dobbs is SO cranky about everything "administration" now that he's hard to listen to.

Scaramella: I warned poisoned spy "Ummm... Don't eat that Taco Bell burrito ... DON'T ! I don't CARE if it's 2:00AM and we've been drinking vodka all night...DOOOON'T!!!"

Glue problems could gum up shuttle launch Well, you see, when your entire space program relies on ELSIE the ELMER's GLUE COW, you are basically screwed. "This is WALTER CRONKITE... The latest shuttle launch was scrubbed today because the RUBBER BAND on the CAPE CANAVERAL SLINGSHOT is broken."

CNNMoney: Yahoo makes management changes OK ... I got nothin'

Report: Cheney's lesbian daughter pregnant This was cruel, but great! This morning this story was being read on the radio and after they finished saying "Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter announced that she is pregnant." they cut away to a voice clip of Mr. Cheney in a previous interview saying "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

Anti-Bush 'bat signal' ticks off neighborhood "I SOOO want to see this ... shining up against the dark night sky... What would the signal BE? The word "Decider" with a circle and slash through it? Or is it just a picture of a bat?

Oprah's lost her way, gone white, rapper says So some rapper makes what is basically a racist comment about a black woman and it's OK? Haven't we JUST had weeks of pontificating about that very double standard? It's not racism to call an idiot and idiot. By the way - I hate Oprah, but that has nothing to do with anything.

Report: Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn split up OK ... Yeah. So what? Or is she going to now be seen hanging with Paris Hilton and Brittney while going 'commando"?

Gimme a "S, H, U, T Gimme a U, P!" What'sitspell?

Xen:
We got an email from the head of I.S. today announcing the hiring of a new IT security manager.
The usual announcement, his history of employment, credentials, etc, etc.... Let's all join in and welcome Chris, etc....

And then this.
"Chris has asked me to remind you that information security is built around the word security, sec-U-R-IT-y. You are our fist line of defense and being aware of the information you handle daily will help ensure we maintain the confidentiality, availability, and integrity of our systems and information."

C'mon ... honestly!
Cheerleading stuff? "U-R-IT"?

Let's go full bore, then...
Chris would like to point out his position verses yours with regard to his place in the company, his newly acquired power over you and his pay as SECURITY CZAR: "U - R - ITY" That's right... itty-bitty. Inconsequential. Nothing. Don't even bother trying to ask for access to stuff, because it's not going to happen.



Sassette:
What an absolute goober. "U-R-IT". I am stunned. Why do managers think that educated professionals will be motivated by the same tactics as drunken sports fans? At least he wasn't in a polyester mini dress, waving pom-poms (I assume anyway).

When Good Pet Ideas Go Bad...

Ok, I am sure this Kitty Walk Outdoor Pet Enclosure was well intentioned. I can just hear some sweet cat lover musing about how nice it would be if little Boo-Boo could go outside and breathe the crisp, clean air.

Unfortunately, this particular item looks a little too much like some sort of open-pit barbecue attachment for my liking. Not to mention something light enough that a larger animal could bat it around the yard like a giant hamster ball. Not that I ever bat around hamster balls - I have nothing but the utmost respect for hamster balls and the brave hamsters that chose to explore in them. Actually, to a hamster, it must be a bit like space travel - climbing into a tiny pod, pushing the edges of their known world....

Anyway, the Kitty Walk Outdoor Pet Enclosure brings me back to a painful episode from my youth. My neighbors decided one day to take their pet rabbit from the safety of his shaded bunny hutch and place him in a large glass fish tank topped by a screen held down by a rock. They positioned the tank out in the middle of the yard so that Fluffy could get some sun.

Lovely gesture, right?

Unfortunately for Fluffy, my neighbors, and me, my 90+ pound lab happened by shortly after. Instead of seeing a beloved family pet, my dog saw a boxed lunch. She snatched the rabbit from the tank and tore down the street (with my neighbors in hot pursuit) and presented me with the dead rabbit as if it was the coolest thing ever. My neighbors naturally didn't see it quite the same, and my dog was branded a bunny killer for the rest of the summer.

So, to sum up, if you love your pets; don't leave them defenseless in glass tanks or barbecue pit attachments in the middle of the yard. Even if it is a nice, sunny day. It will not end well. Trust me.

Statistically Moronic

From today's PROJO DAILY BLOG:
Poll: Bush's approval ratings improving in R.I.
"After many months as the state most critical of President Bush’s job performance, Rhode Island no longer leads the nation in disapproval of the president, according to a SurveyUSA poll.
New Yorkers now give the president the lowest approval rating in the country, with 24 percent of voters in the Empire State rating the president favorably.
Rhode Island is tied with Massachusetts at 49th for presidential approval, with 26 percent of voters in each state approving the way the president handles his job. Last month 23 percent of Rhode Island voters approved the president's job performance, according to a SurveyUSA poll.
The polls have an error margin of about 4 percent.
The average approval rating for the president was 36 percent nationwide. The president was above 50 percent in two states, Idaho and Utah, and below 30 percent in seven states: R.I.; Mass.; N.Y.; Cal.; Conn.; Del.; and Vt. "

Xen:
OK, so what they are saying is that RI went from 23% to 26%. With a error margin of 4%. HELLO ???!! Then there is no statistical change!!! You DOLTS !!! NY is at 24% with the same error margin.

Bottom line? It doesn't matter!!!
I hate stupid reporting!

And now I must go run. There's a 97% chance I will do my usual 5 miles, with a margin of error of 96%. Idiots.

"SAVE THE LATVIANS. SAVE THE WORLD"

A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF POLITICALLY INCORRECT RANTING
Our apologies to ANY Latvian-Sympathizers out there.


Dateline CNN.com: 11/28/2006
"President Bush (speaking at the University of Latvia) says he won't pull troops out of Iraq 'before the mission is complete.' "

Xen to Sassette:
So... the great " Decider" is speaking at the University of Latvia.

No, really.

Are they KIDDING? Can't you just see a bunch of kids with gray Champion brand sweatshirts that say "U of L" all standing in the "quad" (meaning DIRT SQUARE), cheering and running their mascot (a GOAT) back and forth in front of the stage?
I mean, like, Latvia is next to ESTONIA, which I am pretty sure is known for being in Dilbert Cartoons (OK, so it's ELBONIA, but , like, whatever... that's what he meant , I know it).

Can't you see the protests at the Bush Speech and ole U of L?
Signs ... "Down with Bush ~ Borat for President" ............... that kind of thing.

And of course, there is the university seal...

Not to mention their celebration of LIGO. (see Wikipedia info & link below)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latvia
"One of the most striking features of Latvian culture to visitors is the mid-summer festival of Ligo or Jāņi - a celebration of the summer solstice and the feast day of St. John the Baptist. Whilst ostensibly a Christian festival, its pagan roots are unmistakable. Ligo takes place every year on the night between June 23rd and 24th, the shortest night of the year. It is customary for people to go to the countryside for Ligo, traditionally wreaths of leaves and flowers are worn on the head. If a man is named Jānis (John) the wreath will be made of oak leaves. In the early evening of the 23rd, fires are lit around which people will chat, sing and dance until the early hours of the following day. It is considered lucky to jump over these fires. Cheese flavoured with caraway and a drink made from birch sap are traditional fare at Ligo firesides. Throughout the night it is not unusual to see young couples slip quietly off into the woods in search of a non-existent "fern flower"- these liaisons are not considered unseemly nor are they generally remarked upon the next day. Latvians love their crepes."

I love the part where they make only guys named Janis wear oak leaves on their head .... Ummm..whaaa?
And 'Janus' means 'John'. And part of the "tradition" is to go off into the woods and have illicit couplings...
Which is OBVIOUSLY where the term "John" comes from regarding prostitution....
Or not.

In ANY case,,, this is definitely where the leader of the free world needs to be speaking. If we don't have Latvia, the world is lost.

Sassette replies:
Exactly HOW do those last two sentences go together?

"Throughout the night it is not unusual to see young couples slip quietly off into the woods in search of a non-existent "fern flower"- these liaisons are not considered unseemly nor are they generally remarked upon the next day. Latvians love their crepes."

Hee. Crepes. Is that what we’re calling it these days? "

I guess it's because EVERYONE KNOWS that the best way to a "John's" heart is through... CREPES.

It's a well known fact.

Rupert Mudoch: The Empath

In a stunning reversal of sensitivity, Rupert Murdoch, owner of News Corp and FOX News announced the cancellation of the OJ Simpson Interview and book publishing entitled "IF I DID IT".

However, as with all such things in society today, particularly tabloid television, other "copycat" specials ARE going to appear on other networks, and one is planning something even more ambitious - a weekly show of the same theme and structure.

Although the Simpson story is legally exclusive to Fox, other subjects will be explored by these networks seeking to provide truth to their public.

One such subject is:
"War of the Worlds: If We Did It. The Martian Interview about Their Plan to Take Over the World" (Amazingly, the details of this plan are strikingly similar to the Wal-Mart corporate 5-Year Plan as published earlier this year).

Another is:
"Ashlee Simpson: If I Did It. What I would sound like if I actually Sang any of my Songs"

And yet another:
"Michael Richards: If I Did It. What I would Say if I Really was a Bigot and Said Those Things on Stage.... Oh Wait. Never mind."

And of course:
"George W Bush: If I Did It. How I Would have Found the WMD's and Won the War in Iraq.
Or If I really Did Day 'Stay the Course'
Or 'Bring it on.'
Or 'They misunderestimated me'
Or 'Rarely is the question asked 'Is our children learning'
And of course 'There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

In the News...

Al-Muhajir says Rumsfeld fled Iraq
Dubai, 20:46
The leader of Iraq's al Qaeda wing on Friday gloated over forcing outgoing US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to flee the Iraqi battlefield. Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, said in a purported audio recording posted on the Internet that the group has 12.000 armed fighters and 10.000 others waiting to be equipped to fight US troops in Iraq. "I tell the lame duck (U.S. administration) do not rush to escape as did your defence minister ... stay on the battleground," the speaker said. After Republicans' defeat at the midterm elections, President Bush announced Donald Rumsfeld's replacement by saying that "fresh perspective is needed at the Pentagon to deal with the war in Iraq".

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al-Muhajir was also heard to say: "ARGGGG!"