Sassette’s Excellent Voting Adventure (a few days late)

1. Walked to the polls, thereby saving the environment from unnecessary pollutants
2. Noted that my polling place, a local church, was (I believe illegally) displaying a campaign sign for only one candidate: Patrick Lynch
3. Was then greeted warmly by Patrick’s mother, who shook my hand, asked for my vote for her son, and told me I have beautiful hair
4. Was tempted to give her my vote just for the compliment, but I remembered the stakes were higher than just having people in office whose mothers like my hair
5. I did NOT inform Mrs. Lynch that I suspected that she had illegally placed a campaign sign on the church lawn
6. I also did NOT inform Mrs. Lynch that she had lipstick on her teeth
7. Was told by the sweet, 800 year-old man at the voting table that I “had to be voting for the first time”
8. Was tempted to vote for him as a write-in candidate for every office, but I remembered the stakes were higher than just electing super-old people so I will seem really young by comparison
9. Began connecting the arrows, and accidentally voted for both Patrick Kennedy and his republican challenger – must have been still preening over the elderly gentleman’s compliment
10. Brought my folded ballot over to an 800 year-old lady, and explained my error
11. Was glared at so powerfully, I suspect this lady was one of the church “sisters” – lay people just don’t pack glares like that
12. Got shiny, new ballot and filled it out correctly
13. Wept bitterly that nearly all my local politicians were running unopposed, and could faintly hear the founding fathers rolling in their graves
14. Fed the municipal referenda ballot into voting machine with success!
15. Fed state/federal ballot into voting machine and was rewarded with a sound like the one the keno machine makes when you have a lucky ticket
16. Briefly thought I had won some sort of prize… (“Straightest Arrow-Connecting Lines” or something)
17. Watched in horror as the machine SPIT MY BALLOT OUT AT ME
18. Whistled and looked around innocently while wrestling the last quarter inch of my ballot from the EVIL VOTING MACHINE
19. Since no one came to my assistance, I did a “do-over” and fed it back in – Take that EVIL VOTING MACHINE!
20. May have actually voted twice! Go me! Hustled out of the polling place before I was nabbed for voter malfeasance or some such infraction.
    
    THE END.